


We're Not Fine At All

by Emmybazy



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Dubious Consent, M/M, Selective Amnesia, kind of a song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 12:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3067118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmybazy/pseuds/Emmybazy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke doesn't know the guy in the super market. Luke doesn't recognize the voice on his voicemail. Luke's never had a boyfriend before. Those are all facts to Luke. Unfortunately, there are a lot of things Luke doesn't know about himself. </p>
<p>Or, Luke woke up with amnesia and forgot about all of Calum's stupid little things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Not Fine At All

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> So, this is the first fic in my journey of writing every wonderfully cliche au/plot line that I hold so dear to my heart. Amnesia aus are some of my favorite so I had to try and write one. 
> 
> Thanks so much to Stella, Georgie, Fia (5soscake-bakery, blosskitty, and punk-et-disorderly on tumblr), and Daria for reading this through. I appreciate your support, friendship, and the time you took to help. :)
> 
> I don't own anyone. I truly don't. This is all fictitious. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

 

 

Luke can’t decide between Cheerios and Cocoa Puffs. He should get the Cheerios, all the commercials say that they’re good for your heart and maybe they’d balance out all the pizza he eats. But Cocoa Puffs. Cocoa Puffs are delicious and the sugar wakes him up in the-

“Luke?” Luke turns when he hears his name. The voice is deep with an edge of desperation.

The only other person in the aisle is a dark haired man. His body is rigid, jaw slightly dropped. He straightens slightly, tugging his hair back with the long fingers of his right hand, initials tattooed along the edge. He’s wearing a flannel and tight jeans. He’s fantastically attractive and Luke has never seen him before in his life.  

“Hello?” Luke puts his left hand in the back pocket of his jeans, leaning back. He furrows his eyebrows, trying to place the guys face. Yep, definitely no recollection.

“Hey,” The guy says, taking a step closer. A smile is starting on his lips. Luke hadn’t noticed the lips. How had Luke not noticed the lips? They’re really good lips. “How’ve you been?”

“Uh…” Luke’s mouth hangs open, taking in the sight of the guy. Damn. How has Luke been? Does the guy mean in general? In the past few days? Luke puts the box of Cocoa Puffs back on the shelf, grabbing the Cheerios instead. Based on the way his heart is beating, it could probably use some help.

Luke snaps out of the delirium the guy’s looks have rendered and gets a grip, “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

The guy’s eyes cloud and the smile slips off his face. It’s only for a moment, but when the guy speaks again, his voice has a serious note, “Come on Luke.”

“How do you know my name?” Luke asks, now crossing his arms even though it’s awkward with the basket bumping into his waist.

The guy grimaces, the lines of his face setting thickly, “Stop it Luke. It’s not funny.”

Luke, offended by the guy who he has never met before’s tone, reacts, “You’re right, it’s not funny. Who are you?”

It’s like there’s an explosion behind the guy’s eyes, “Seriously Luke? You’re going to play games? Isn’t this what you wanted? I’m back!” The guy throws his hands up. A thought passes in front of his eyes and the anger only increases, “And why didn’t you pick up when I called? I called, like, 20 times over the past week. Why didn’t you pick up?”

Luke takes a step back, now starting to worry. The calls had come at all times of day, from a number he hadn’t recognized. It had scared him, the only voicemail he listened to had been from an unfamiliar voice asking if they could meet, like they were old friends. The person hadn’t even dropped their name, starting with an ‘It’s me’ that didn’t mean anything to Luke.

“You left those messages?” Luke can feel his throat closing up. How did this guy find him? “What do you want?”

The guy looks exasperated, “To talk to you!” His arms are extended in front of him, big hands open, palms up. Big calloused hands. Big hands that would probably feel good….Luke shakes himself out of his train of thought. Big distracting hands, that’s what they are.

The guy runs one of the hands through his hair again, taking another step forward, “Why won’t you talk to me? I came back, we’re supposed to...What’s going on Luke?”

Luke straightens his posture and tries to appear confident, “I have no idea who you are. And I...I’ve got to go.” Luke tries to walk away out of the aisle, but the guy follows him.  

“This isn’t funny Luke! You can’t pretend you don’t know who I am. That’s not going to make anything better.”

The guy is right behind Luke. Luke comes to a sudden stop, spins around, and shouts at a volume that isn’t welcomed in grocery stores, “Leave me alone! I’m not pretending, I don’t know who you are and you’re freaking me out!” Luke continues to the checkout area to buy the gallon of milk, loaf of bread, and yogurt he was able to pick up before the guy stopped him.

The guy doesn’t follow him past the aisle. Luke’s hands shake when they grip the steering wheel on the drive home.

 

******

Luke takes the long way home, passing by the playground he broke his right arm at when he was six. The monkey bars had been his ultimate enemy and they’d won against him when he tried to conquer his fears. Now, when he stand underneath them, his head almost hits the bars.

Luke pulls up in front of his building, pulling into the designated parking space with their apartment number chalked between the lines. They pay extra for the second one for Ashton’s car. Mikey opts to bum rides off of the two of them, or nab their car keys, rather than buy his own car.

The bags swing and hit up against his legs as he takes the stairs to their apartment. Luke fiddles with his key ring in his right hand, trying to free the apartment key from where it’s hooked into a key chain. He pauses a moment at the doorway, focusing on the key rather than the muffled yelling from his apartment. Probably Mikey and Ashton fighting over who’s turn it is to do the dishes.

Luke gets the key free and opens his door, calling into the hallway, “Ash! Mikey! The weirdest thing happened today! I think I have a stalker!”

The shouting promptly stops. The new silence flows in waves that Luke can feel coming from the living room. He darts into the kitchen to put the groceries down, telling the story as he goes, “It was so weird. This guy, and like, he was really hot, he came up to me out of nowhere at the store-” Luke walks into the living room and stops short, foot paused over the door jamb. He points, eyes wide. The guy is standing in his living room, and based on his stance, in the middle of a fight with Ashton, “You. How do you know where I live?”

The guy’s mouth opens in disbelief, “How do I…? Luke, what the fuck? I wasn’t going to forget where I lived.”

“What do you mean?” Luke throws his hands up, “When did you live here?”

The guy’s eyes darken even more than they had been at the store, “Luke! This is stupid! Stop!”

The guy starts to walk around the sofa to Luke but Ashton grabs his arm and pulls him back, “Wait! Calum! I’m serious!” Ashton’s voice is loud, commanding. His hand on the guy’s arm is firm. Luke’s stomach drops out of his body at the name.

The guy turns toward Ashton, “Stop helping him with this stunt Ash. I get it, I left, but come on. This is stupid.”

Ashton grabs onto the guy with both hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes, “Listen. I’m serious. I don’t know how it happened Cal, but he doesn’t remember you.”

“Ash?” Luke’s voice is lodged in his throat but he tries to come off as unaffected, “This isn’t funny anymore. You took the joke too far man. Come off it.”

The joke had started eighteen months ago. It had been a normal morning, Luke had his itunes on shuffle and was making breakfast. Ashton had walked in and proclaimed that he was happy Luke was feeling better about the ‘Calum situation.’ Ever since, Mikey and Ashton had tried to convince Luke that he had an ex, someone who Luke had been with for more than three years but had left months ago. Ashton and Mikey were unbearable at the beginning, constantly making up stories of Luke and another person, but they grew tired of the joke as Luke refused to believe them. Because Luke doesn’t have an ex boyfriend. It’s a joke. It has to be a joke. It has to be.

Ashton sighs. He props himself on the arm of their beaten up sofa. Luke doesn’t know where they got it. It showed up in the apartment one day back when only Mikey and Ashton lived here. He loves the blankets over the back, the way they hug him when he’s watching movies.

Ashton looks weary. He meets Luke’s eyes and then the guy’s before he speaks, “About three weeks after you left, Luke was magically fine one morning,” Ashton adjusts how he’s sitting, grabbing the back of the couch to steady himself. Luke’s nails press indents into the skin of his palm, “He’d been really messed up, but he was acting like nothing was wrong. When I tried to bring you up, he had no idea who you were. He’s not faking it Calum, it’s been over a year and he hasn’t cracked once.”

“Ashton!” Luke shouts, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “Cut it out! This is too much, even for you!”

“You don’t remember me?” Luke turns toward the voice. The guy is standing there, defeat sweating off of him. Luke wants to hug him, even though he has no idea who he is.

“I don’t know you! How could I remember you if I don’t know you?”

The guy takes a step toward Luke, jaw set, “You know me Luke. You fucking know me.”

“I don’t,” Luke tries shaking his head quickly, shaking off the nausea, “I don’t know you. I don’t.”

The guy turns toward Ashton, “Did he have some kind of accident or something?”

Ashton shrugs, “We don’t think so. Mikey did some research and talked to some doctors. They think it’s repressed memories, like selective amnesia. Apparently it’s a thing. He won’t get tested though, thinks we’re trying to mess with him.”

“What the fuck is-” Mikey’s voice floats in from the hallway. He turns the corner into the  room and pauses, “Calum?”

The guy grins, “Hey Mikey.”

Mikey launches from besides Luke into the guy’s arms. They embrace right there, standing on Ashton’s mother’s old carpet.

“Jesus,” Mikey says, pulling back to look at the guy. Mikey bats a hand at the guy’s cheek, “I wish you would’ve told us you were coming. Could’ve warned you.”

The guy cringes, “Yeah, too late now. Figured it would be better to surprise you guys. Didn’t realize Luke had erased me from his memory,” the guy says the last words to Luke, too sharp for Luke’s liking.

Luke is going to be sick on the carpet. His body feels like it’s being tugged out of the room by a string leading back to his room and his bed and thirty hours of Netflix. He wants to sleep and not wake up until his friends stop being assholes who play far too elaborate pranks on him.

Luke avoids Calum’s eyes as he leaves. Luke follows the tug to get away from this, his body reacting by removing itself from the situation. Ashton calls after him but there are no footfalls behind him.

Luke’s door is tricky. You have to push in the handle until you feel one of the bolts shift, and then pull it open. It’s been like this since he first moved in. Ashton and Mikey still get tripped up, standing outside his door pulling the wrong way while Luke watches from down the hall. It’s a built in security system on a door without a lock, keeping out 99% of people when they have house parties.

With a practiced hand, Luke turns the handle and stumbles into his room. The blankets call him and he doesn’t resist, a small whine escaping his throat as he falls onto the bed, swaddling himself in the blankets. A rain cloud has been gathering over his head since Calum called his name out at the supermarket and now the drops are almost plump enough to fall.

A few minutes later, footsteps approach his door. Luke burrows his head into his pillow, hoping all their tricks can’t reach him in his little cocoon of warmth and truth. The footsteps pause, listening in through the door.

Luke hears the door open without a hitch and it’s the first time in eighteen months that Luke questions his memories.

Calum doesn’t call out to Luke. He shuts the door and sits on the edge of the bed. Luke stays hidden until he feels something drop next to hands. He peeks out from the blankets. A phone.

“Look at it,” Calum says, voice weary. Luke can’t look at Calum, sure that Calum’s face will break something in him. Instead, he grabs the phone and looks at the screen.

The screen is lit up by Luke sitting in the driver’s seat of a car, Calum’s neck reaching over the back and chin resting on Luke's shoulder. There’s no way it’s edited. Luke’s arms are extended in the picture, an obvious selfie. Their smiles are soft and comfortable.

Luke flicks to the next picture. Another selfie, this time they’re on the couch in the living room. Calum’s wrapped up in a blanket, curled into Luke’s side. Luke looks sleep rumpled as well, head resting against Calum’s as he takes the picture, a smug grin on his face.

Luke flicks through the next few photos, mostly selfies taken by one of them as the other hovers close. He remembers the shirts, the places, the crick in his shoulders, but can’t remember the moments. There are also a few pictures of Luke, alone playing guitar, talking to Mikey, laughing at something. Luke can tell the person who took the photos cared for him. Isn’t that something.

Luke scrolls to a video, the play button blocking out most of the image. Luke hits play and as soon as the first sound rips through the air, Calum shifts.

It’s a moan. On screen, Luke is flushed and sweating, head thrown back.

“You like that babe?” comes out of the speakers, a shock to Luke as he watches. Calum’s voice is so clear over the sounds of video Luke’s thrashing. Luke looks up to the Calum sitting on the edge of the bed. The bed this video was clearly filmed on.

“Shit,” The video plays on as Luke looks up and locks eyes with Calum, “So good Cal.”

Luke can hear the movement of their bodies, no doubt in his mind what they’re doing. Calum maintains eye contact as the sound smothers them. He looks sad. Defeated. Maybe a hint of hopeful but it’s mostly drowned out by fear. The video shuts off after video Luke climaxes in a fit of curses.

Neither of them speak. Calum turns away after a few seconds, staring at the ground instead. Luke tosses the phone a few inches away from Calum’s side.

“We looked happy,” Luke breaks the stillness.

Calum nods, slight at first but it turns into a bigger movement the longer he does it, “We were. Really happy,” Calum swallows, rubbing a hand down his forearm, “Which is why I don’t understand why you forgot me.”

“You left,” Luke whispers, because it must be the truth. Calum’s eyes flick to him, “I mean, you weren’t here. Ashton told me…” Luke turns and pulls the blanket up around his face tighter, “When I thought it was a joke, Ashton told me I’d been really upset. It’s a coping mechanism, I guess.”

Calum watches Luke’s face for a moment. Out of no where, Calum’s sharp laughter fills the room and he leans back against the mattress, propping himself up on the jut of Luke’s legs under the blankets.

“This is so weird,” Calum mutters, smiling brightly at Luke, “I wish I could record this and show it to you a few years back. You’d think it was hilarious.” Luke quirks an eyebrow. Calum continues, “Like, you’re sitting in my bed, wearing my clothes, and talking to me like I don’t know practically everything about you.”

Luke sits up, Calum’s body falling as Luke props himself up against the backboard, “What do you mean ‘your clothes’ and ‘your bed?’ This is my stuff,” Luke gestures around the room, lips pressed together.

Calum has a dreamy smile, a subdued yet triumphant smile, on his lips, “Where’d you get that shirt?”

Luke looks down. It’s a band tee, Fall Out Boy. He got it...it was when...it was definitely….Shit.

Luke shrugs, “Probably some thrift store. I can’t remember exactly.”

Calum smirks, “I got it when I went to see them. It was a few years before we met. You grabbed it one time after spending the night when we first got together and I didn’t see it again until you moved in,” Calum scans the room, pointing out different items around the room, “That poster is mine. I bought you that watch when you graduated.” Calum pats the bed beneath them, “I got the bed frame from my parents house and you helped me pick out the mattress.” There’s a gleam in Calum’s eye that Luke knows there is a memory behind.

Luke pouts. These are his things. He may not have the memory behind them, but they’re his. Calum can’t come in and insert himself into Luke’s life like this. Who knows if he’s even telling the truth?

Calum slides up next to Luke, taking up the other side of the bed and leaning with only an inch of space between their shoulders. Calum’s speaks softly, “And I know that you spend too much time on your hair. And that if you could, you’d eat every meal at that Mexican restaurant down the street,” Calum leans in even further, right shoulder pressed against Luke’s left side and lips dancing by Luke’s ear, “And I know how to get you there, fast, with only a few fingers.”

At that, Luke startles and whips back. Calum’s face is right there, eyes lit up with laughter. It’s like ripping Luke’s carefully constructed life apart is fun for him.

“You were upset,” Luke’s voice is ragged. He decides to scoot back next to Calum, bodies pressed together in a bed that was once theirs to share, “Why aren’t you still upset?”

Calum smiles, comfortable in Luke’s space while Luke feels like he’s catching fire next to Calum. Calum’s grin splits as he talks, “For the past week I thought you were ignoring me and wanted nothing to do with me, which was shit,” Calum reaches an arm around Luke’s shoulder, pulling him in and adjusting their positions, “And then when I saw you today I was pissed. If you had been joking Luke,” Calum shakes his head, “but yeah. It sucks that you don’t remember me, but it’s better than you hating me and never wanting to see me again.”

Luke doesn’t know what to say and Calum doesn’t seem bothered, his arm casual around Luke’s shoulders like it belongs there. Luke blinks, voice caught in his throat. He wants to be that guy. He wants to be the guy in the photos with Calum. He wants to be the one who Calum chased after in the supermarket. He wants to be happy.

Luke doesn’t think before he kisses Calum. Calum’s eyes are dark and his body fits into the depressions in the bed like a puzzle. Calum belongs in this space, more than Luke it seems. Luke’s delicately laid out life is falling apart as Calum ploughs through it. So, Luke tries to gain back some of his control. Luke’s hands settle on Calum’s waist to stop their shaking.  

Calum has no qualms with Luke in his space, immediately bringing his other hand up to steady Luke’s neck. Calum kisses like he’s coming home. The dread that had been storming over Luke dissipates into his body’s memories of Calum, the familiarity taking over. Calum touches Luke like he knows him. Luke likes it.

Luke’s hands are undoing the buttons of Calum’s top when Calum whispers into the underside of Luke’s jaw, “Missed you.”

Luke has to grab on to Calum’s shirt to steady himself as Calum’s hands start to take a sure path down his body. Luke can’t breathe, the words still stuck in the crease of his neck. Miss him? Calum misses him. Luke didn’t think Calum was real this morning. Calum straddles Luke’s lap as Luke starts to wonder if this was such a good idea.

“Guys? You ok?” It’s Ashton outside the door.

“Little busy!” Calum calls over his shoulder as he takes his shirt off over Luke. Shit. Where did Luke’s game go? He must have once had game if Calum thought to look at him twice.

“Oh,” Ahtons says, not sounding as surprised as Luke is expecting, “So Luke remembered you?”

“Nope,” Luke answers around a groan as Calum moves his hands to the button on Luke's jeans. Luke is now positive this is a good idea.

Ashton doesn’t respond for a second and Luke feels so thankful until he hears someone trying to open the door, “You shits. No, I’m not letting this happen,” Ashton says as he pushes through the door, stumbling through after forcing it open.

“Ashton!” Luke cries and tries to adjust the blanket behind Calum to cover themselves up.

“Oh please,” Ashton rolls his eyes, “I’ve seen so much worse from you two.”

Calum laughs when he looks at Luke’s shocked face, “I can’t wait to tell you all the compromising positions Mikey’s seen you in.” Luke groans, conversations with Mikey finally making sense.

“Calum, come on,” Ashton is pointing out the door. Calum shakes his head but gets up from his place in Luke’s lap and goes to the closet to get a shirt.

Luke props himself up on his elbows to look at Ashton, “I’m an adult Ash, I can make my own decisions.”

“Yeah,” Calum says, pulling on one of Luke’s sweaters. Luke wonders if it’s actually Calum’s or if Calum wants to wear something of Luke’s, “Besides, not like it’s any different from the first time we met.” Luke looks over at Calum, raising an eyebrow. Calum smirks.

“No, it’s stupid,” Ashton says as he walks out, “Luke’s going to get pissed at you when he remembers everything.”

Luke turns to Calum fully, pulling his legs out of the blankets and sitting on the edge of the bed, “What does he mean?”

Calum leans against the wall by the closet, “We broke up.” Calum shrugs. He can’t meet Luke’s eyes when he speaks, “Kind of douchey of me to come in and take advantage of you.”

“I’m the one who gets to decide who I sleep with, not Ashton and especially not you,” Luke drops his head into his hands as he speaks, “I don’t even know you.”

“Hey,” Luke looks up and Calum’s frowning, “You know me. You just don’t remember me.”

Luke holds his gaze. Calum doesn’t move either. The barrier between them is thick, cutting through the room and steeped in sexual tension. Calum eventually steps forward, wrapping a hand around the back of Luke’s neck. He lowers his face so their noses barely touch.

“This is so messed up,” Calum whispers, punctuating it with a heavy kiss on Luke’s mouth. Luke is quick to participate, reaching up to encircle Calum’s wrist. They stay like that, on the brink of something Luke would like to fall into, until Calum pulls away.

“God, I missed you,” Calum whispers before standing up straight and walking out Luke’s bedroom door. Calum calls out into the apartment, “Mikey? Ash?”

The room is different. It’s like the walls are more alive and the bed has settled with a new calm. Calum’s shirt stands out against Luke’s dirty laundry and the clutter seems in place now. The space has the air of being complete. For so long it was missing something that Luke couldn’t see but now that Calum is back, everything has woken up.

Luke gets up slowly and follows the drifting voices.

“...and then when the song went big, they got a lot easier on me. Drew up a new contract with the company and started taking lead on projects,” Calum’s voice seems to be affecting the entire apartment. The shabby grey of the walls seems to finally fit the paint chip color of Cement, solid and making a statement in the hall. Luke peeks into the living room and sees Calum lounging on the sofa, in the corner where Luke normally sits. Mikey is sitting at the other end of the sofa and Ashton’s in the arm chair. There’s no place for Luke.

“After a few months there, I got homesick,” Calum continues his story, “They transferred me out of the LA offices and sent me back here. I’ve got a few assignments that I met up with last week, so we’ll see what happens there.”

“Good to have you back man,” Mikey reaches out and bumps Calum’s fist over the top of the couch, “You’re buying drinks next weekend.”

Calum grins and shakes his head, “Knew if I came back you’d find some way to use me.” Mikey reaches out and punches him in the shoulder and Ashton sits across from them with a huge smile across his face.

“Getting the boys back together,” Ashton says, looking like tears might spill out of his eyes, partially from happiness and partially from the pain he must be feeling from the smile on his face.

Luke steps into the room and hovers beside the couch, “What’s happening?”

Mikey leans his head back to groan, an over the top monster of a sound, “I forgot about you. This is going to ruin everything.”

“Thanks Mikey,” Luke’s voice is flat.

“Well,” Mikey says, “I’m just saying. If you hadn’t gone and forgotten, everything would be perfect.” Mikey shakes his head. It’s only a joke, Mikey’s never outright cruel, but Luke still feels the punch from it.

“Babe,” Luke turns to Calum’s voice. Calum is watching Luke with a soft smile, “sit down.” Calum pats the spot next to him on the couch.

Luke takes a step and props himself up on the middle cushion, maintaining a safe distance between Mikey and Calums' legs. Luke glances over at Calum. Calum is pouting and apparently Luke has done something wrong.

“What?” Luke asks.

“You're being so careful,” Calum says. He reaches up and wraps a hand around Luke’s shoulder, pulling him down into his side. Luke is so shocked and taken aback, he slides down into it. His nose bashes on Calum’s chest and Calum’s arm falls to rest on Luke’s waist. Calum is warm.

“Calum…” Ashton starts from across the room.

“What Ash?” Calum’s voice is on the verge of harsh, “What? I fucking missed him, ok?” Luke adjusts so he can look up at Calum’s face, “He can’t remember me but he’s still the guy I missed.”

Ashton shakes his head, “But he doesn’t know you-”

“He will,” Calum’s body is taut against Luke’s, “It’s Luke, Ashton. Give me a few weeks and he’ll love me again.”

Luke is starting to get pissed off by the fact they’re talking about him when he’s right there. Ashton keeps doing it, “If he remembers-”

“Then he’d be happy I’m back,” Calum says, assured. He turns down to meet Luke’s eyes, “You would be. You’d be happy to know I’m back.”

Luke lets that settle. Calum’s arm around his back feels right and his mouth is set in a firm line. Calum might believe that, but Luke doesn’t know if he should believe Calum. Luke forgot him. Luke repressed the memories of him. There’s got to be something behind that.

Spurred on by the intense look in Calum’s eyes, Luke digs an arm behind the couch and wraps his arms around Calum’s torso. It makes how he’s sitting easier, holding onto Calum rather than leaning into him. Calum grins and rubs Luke’s side. Luke doesn’t look at Ashton or Mikey.

“So,” Luke coughs to get the arid feeling out of his throat, “what were you guys talking about?”

“My job,” Calum says casually.

“But you were talking about a song?” Luke says, confused.

Mikey laughs behind him, “Wait, before you tell him let me get my camera ready.” Luke has absolutely no idea what that means but decides to reach back with his foot to nudge Mikey’s knee.

“I’m a songwriter,” Calum says. Luke almost catapults off the couch. A songwriter? Is that even a job? That’s something people do for fun, but Calum gets paid for it?

“Seriously?” Luke asks. Ashton chuckles behind them as Luke continues, “What song did you write that took off then?”

“Here it comes,” Mikey says, voice full of glee.

“Beside You,” Calum says.

Luke freezes. His jaw drops and his muscles seize up and his hands feel too large for his body. After a solid moment of panic, Luke props himself up with a hand on Calum’s stomach, “What?!”

“D’you know it?” Calum asks, smirk across his face. Mikey is laughing loudly in the background.

“Is this a joke? Seriously, how much of this is a joke?” Luke turns and looks to Ashton. Ashton shakes his head with a smirk. Luke turns back to Calum, “You fucking wrote Beside You?”

Calum, whose body is still relaxed even as Luke is sitting on the edge of the couch and thrumming like a guitar string, shrugs with an air of victory, “Yeah. It’s about you.”

Luke falls. Luke sprawls across the ground. There’s no way that this isn’t a joke. There is no way in hell that Luke has no memory of his ex boyfriend who happens to be the genius behind Luke’s favorite song. The song that Luke listens to on repeat on his way home from work. The song that Luke cranks up whenever it’s on the radio. The fucking song that Luke listens to whenever he feels lonely. There’s no way, _no way_ , that it’s about him.  

When Luke’s brain can process sensory information again, he hears Ashton and Mikey laughing loudly and he feels Calum’s hand on his back, “Babe?”

Luke spins around and hauls Calum down on top of him. Calum comes willingly, like the action is familiar to him. There’s a smirk across his face so Luke prods him in the gut, making Calum laugh. Ashton and Mikey don’t seem phased.

Luke tries to flip them but Calum grabs a hold of Luke’s wrists and pins them above his head, hovering. Luke stares up at Calum, out of breath, and says, “You’re not lying.”

“Nope,” Calum says, fingers intertwining where his hands are pressed into Luke’s.

“Fuck,” Luke says into the space between them. Mikey takes that moment to drop down on top of them.

“Everything’s going to work out, I know it,” Mikey wraps his arms around both of them and Luke laughs. It’s a breathless thing that escapes Luke’s body, pushed out by fear and confusion.

“Mikey, come on, let’s go grab a few pizzas for dinner,” Ashton pulls Mikey up.

Luke runs his hands over Calum’s shoulders, trying to see if he remembers the feel, until the door shuts behind Ashton and Mikey. Calum’s nose is pressed into his neck and Calum seems to be breathing him in.

“Hey,” Calum pulls himself up and looks Luke in the eyes, “Can we make out? I really missed your mouth.”

Luke doesn’t respond, opting to pull Calum down instead.

They lay there, bodies in sync. It’s odd to Luke, this feeling of a history he doesn’t know and lips on his that know exactly how to drive him crazy. Calum’s hair between his fingers feels settling.

Calum pulls back after a few minutes. He crosses his arms on Luke’s chest and rests his head on them. Luke brings an arm behind his head to use as a pillow. Calum’s smiling at him, but it’s obvious he’s trying to hold it back.

“What?” Luke asks. He feels calm now, smile across his face that found it’s way there without his permission.

Calum shakes his head slightly, “Nothing. Glad to be back.” Calum’s dopey smile makes Luke want to giggle, so he does.

“I don’t even know you,” Luke says, but it’s too fond considering an hour ago he was sure Calum was stalking him.

Calum laughs and pops up to all fours over Luke, “You have a problem.”

“What? Forgetting people?”

“No,” Calum proclaims, “You love me too much.” He says it with a cocky tilt to his head.

“What? I just met you,” Luke laughs as he says it. He can’t stop smiling with Calum’s eyes on him.

Calum shakes his head, “Doesn’t matter. You were like this the first time too,” Calum brings a hand down to run along Luke’s side, “Used to follow me around and swoon. Big problem, you don’t even have to know me to love me.”

“I don’t love you,” Luke says, but it comes out weak. Luke doesn’t know what he’s feeling.

Calum blinks and leans down, hovering right above Luke’s lips, “Yeah you do. You love me.” Calum starts gently kissing Luke and Luke’s not about to argue with him. As Calum’s hand trails up to grab Luke’s chin, the song lyrics filter through his thoughts.  _I don’t wanna go_ and _my heart wants to go home_ and _so close but so far away_.  It becomes too much and Luke pulls away.

“You good?” Calum asks.

“It’s about me?” Luke says against the corner of Calum’s jaw.

Calum takes a moment, trying to figure out what Luke’s talking about. But then he smiles against Luke’s cheek, “Yeah.”

It’s at that moment that Luke realizes they’re on the floor. “Get up,” Luke pushes Calum up onto the couch and follows him onto it. Luke straddles Calum’s lap and leans over him. Calum seems ok with it.

“I love that song,” Luke says. It’s like a dam bursts inside of him and he needs to tell Calum exactly how much it means to him, “I listen to it all the time. It’s on practically every playlist I’ve made since it came out.” Luke looks at Calum. Calum’s eyes are wide and his lips slightly parted. Luke takes a deep breath and continues, “Whenever I feel alone, I listen to it. Makes me feel less lonely.”

The words hang in between them. Calum looks like there’s weight on his body other than Luke sitting back on his hips. Calum drags a hand up Luke’s body and rests his palm against Luke’s cheek, fingers threading into Luke’s hair and thumb tracing lines where it reaches along the plains of Luke’s face. Luke is mesmerized by the way Calum is looking at him.

“I love you,” Calum says, “And I wrote that song so you’d know that I still did, even though I left. I got scared when they said you didn’t remember me, because I thought you wouldn’t know...that it wouldn’t mean anything to you.”

“It means everything to me,” Luke says, too honest with himself and Calum. Calum tightens the fingers in the scruff on Luke’s neck. The moment holds.

“Why did you leave?” Luke says quietly from his perch on Calum’s lap.

Calum groans, “It’s not like that.” Calum drops his hand and Luke backs up to the other side of the couch, getting the vibe that Calum needs space. Their legs stay tangled between them.

“I sent a demo of songs I’d written to a few record companies and one got back to me. Said they had some artists they’d like to try me with but they needed me in LA,” Calum’s arm reaches over the back of the couch and his fingers twitch as he tells the story. “It was so huge, they were willing to put me up and everything. But when I talked to you about it,” Calum swallows and looks away, “you didn’t want to come with me. You said it was because you didn’t want to move and you’d just gotten a promotion,” Luke remembers the promotion he’d gotten at the accounting firm last year. It hadn’t been huge, nothing to prevent him moving away. Calum rubs a hand over his face, “I always thought there was something more behind it but whenever I confronted you, you avoided the topic.” Calum sighs. Luke can see where the words are caught in his throat, “I wasn’t not going to go. And I don’t regret it, I’ve always wanted to do this and I get to do it. But I also want you,” Calum makes eye contact with Luke, a heavy quality in the air, “and before I couldn’t have both but now I can. If you’re ok with that.” Calum shrugs.

Luke picks a piece of lint off his jeans. He needs...something.

“I don’t know what you want from me, but…” Luke bites his lip ring, “I mean, sure. Can you go easy on me though? Because I don’t know you, really.”

Calum nods his head, “Yeah, that’s fine. It’s great,” Calum slides over on the couch, forcing Luke’s knees up so Calum can rest his head against them, “I’m glad you’re not mad at me.”

Luke frowns, “Is it possible that I could be mad at you?”

Calum shakes his head, “I don’t think so. I hope not at least. I left on good terms, considering. Like, we decided not to keep in touch. It felt like too much since we weren’t going to try long distance. But you said that if I came back, the door would be open. I don’t think you blamed me for leaving, more like you blamed yourself for staying.”

Luke nods. He can work with that, “Ok.”

Calum smiles, “I was pissed when you wouldn’t pick up the phone.” Calum’s rubbing one hand up and down Luke’s calf. Practically the entire time they’ve been together, Calum’s had a hand on Luke, rubbing, long fingers slowly mapping Luke’s body. Again. “Thought you’d started dating someone else or something and didn’t want to deal with me being back.” Calum’s smile falters, “And I was really upset when you didn’t talk to me when Beside You came out. Like, it won awards and you didn’t even send me a congrats text. It was a big deal and I thought you’d crack and message me.”

Luke reaches to put a hand on Calum’s shoulder, “Sorry.”

Calum shrugs, “It’s fine now. It would’ve been nice at the time to know you’d forgotten me and that you weren’t ignoring me.”

Luke grimaces, “Don’t say it like that.”

“What?”

“Like I purposefully forgot you. I don’t think I did. It just happened.” Luke watches his own fingers on Calum’s bicep rather than looking at Calum. He feels Calum nod on his knee.

“Where are you guys?” It’s Mikey in the front hall.

“Where do you think we are?” Calum calls out, adjusting and turning his body so he can lay against Luke’s core, between Luke’s knees.

“Kind of surprised you’re not balls deep right now,” Mikey responds, coming into the room with three pizzas, followed by Ashton who has plates and a twelve pack.

“Mikey!” Luke says, horrified. The other three laugh.

“Luke, you and Calum started dating when you and I were roommates in the dorms!” Mikey punctuates his statement by putting the pizzas on the table, “And you always forgot to write the signal on the whiteboard on the door. I’m allowed to tease you about your sex life because I’ve been exposed to far too much of it.” Mikey grabs a beer and sits on the ground so he has a good view of their TV.

“Seriously? You all have a better idea of my sex life than I do?” Luke asks, hand dropping on Calum’s stomach. They laugh again but Calum grabs Luke’s hand.

They watch a movie while Luke watches how Calum interacts with Ashton and Mikey. It’s all so familiar, Mikey teasing Calum while Calum laughs this huge mammoth thing whenever Ashton speaks.

When the movie ends, Calum gets up to go.

“Where are you staying?” Ashton asks.

“Parent’s house until I can find an apartment,” Calum says as he stretches and pulls Luke up with him. Apparently, Luke is walking Calum out.

“Good, we’ll see you around then?”

“Yeah, bye guys,”

“Glad you’re back Calum!” Mikey says as he tries to find something else to watch.

Luke walks with Calum to the door and watches as Calum puts on his shoes, “Were you planning on moving back in?”

Calum looks up, “Not really. I figured if you were still single, you’d be cool with it, but I had kind of convinced myself you were with someone else.”

Luke crosses his arms over his chest, “Well, you could move back, you know.”

Calum furrows his eyebrows, “Seriously.”

“Yeah,” Luke says, shrugging, “It was technically your apartment first.”

Calum watches Luke carefully for a few moments, “Why don’t you wait a few weeks to offer something like that, yeah?”

Luke nods, “Yeah.”

“Want to get breakfast tomorrow?’ Calum smiles, “There’s a place we used to go. It’d be like old times.”

“Sure, text me.”

“Will do,” Calum leans in and kisses Luke, “Bye Lukey.”

Calum leaves and Luke stares at the door for a few seconds before walking to the living room and screaming, “What the fuck happened today?!”

*****

 

Later, when Luke’s in bed googling Calum, Ashton comes in.

“Here,” Ashton throws something on the bed, “You gave this to me before you lost your memory.”

“What is it?” Luke asks, confused.

Ashton shrugs, “All you told me was to keep it unless Calum came back.”

“Unless?” Luke asks.

Ashton tilts his head to the side, still leaning in the doorway with his hands in his pocket, “What?”

Luke takes the thing, a flash drive, “Did I say when or unless?”

Ashton purses his lips for a moment before responding, “I can’t remember. Does it matter?”

Luke leans back against the headboard, the flash drive heavy in his palm. Luke looks at the ceiling, “Do you think I’m crazy for getting into things with Calum?”

“No,” Luke flicks his eyes to Ashton. There had been no hesitation in his voice. Ashton adjusts his glasses before continuing, “I know before I was, like, stopping you. It was only because it’s been awhile since you’ve been involved with someone and I wanted you to think about it before you jumped into it.” Ashton crosses his arms, “But you basically did the same thing when you guys first got together, and I trust Calum’s judgement when it comes to you more than I trust your own.” Ashton smiles at that and Luke lets out a heavy breath.

“I can’t remember meeting you,” Luke says, hoping Ashton knows what he’s asking.

“Calum’s friend from high school,” Ashton nods his head once, “I tried to convince him to break up with you when you first started dating because him being monogamous was...inconvenient. But then I met you and liked you too much,” Ashton rights himself, smirking, “and I told him you could never break up because then I’d lose you and Mikey as friends.”

“Except you ended up losing him instead.”

Ashton smiles, “It happened and he’s back and it’s all going to be fine, ok?” Luke nods so Ashton goes on, “It’s going to work out well Luke, you’ll like him.” With that, Ashton leaves but keeps the door slightly ajar.

“I already like him too much,” Luke mumbles as he sticks the flash drive into the USB port.

As the computer reads the drive, Luke tries to figure out how many things in his room are actually his and how many must belong to Calum. He's never consciously contemplated where his clothing came from.  As he looks around, he realizes a lot of it must be Calum’s because he has no idea where this stuff came from. Like the pair of toucan underwear on the top of his clean laundry pile. He has no idea where he got them even though he wears them almost immediately after he cleans them. He was going to wear them the next day, but what if Calum sees Luke in his underwear? How embarrassing would that be.

The computer beeps and Luke opens the icon for the flash drive. The only thing on it is a file named ‘Calum.’ Luke takes a breath, feeling jittery as he clicks on the folder.

It’s hundreds of pictures, far more than were on Calum’s phone. They’re not organized in any particular order, they’re just there, taking up all the corners of Luke’s laptop screen. Luke clicks the first one and starts tapping through.

After making his way through twenty photos, he can tell that Calum and he have a thing for taking selfies together. So many couple selfies; them in matching halloween costumes, them making stupid faces at the camera together, making soppy faces at each other. It’s embarrassing, that’s what it is.

Then there are the pictures of Calum. Calum sitting across from the camera on dates. Calum walking away from the camera, Calum walking towards the camera. As Luke continues going through, the Calum pictures are more and more nude. The first one is Calum standing at a stove, his back to Luke and the only clothing he’s wearing is the underwear around his ankle.

Luke can’t remember it. Luke has never wanted to remember anything so badly in his entire life. He wants to remember the feel of Calum’s skin against his. What is Luke getting himself into? He catches himself after a few moments of staring with his jaw dropped and continues to click through.

It gets worse. Videos start popping up. One will be of Calum and Luke being stupid together, giggling in bed and making weird noises at each other, and the next will be Calum on his knees in front of Luke and Luke mumbling encouragements. Apparently they have some kind of filming kink because Luke has quite a few videos on here. He tries not to watch them and doesn’t beat himself up when he fails.

Two hours later, he’s gone painstakingly through all the photos and videos. He looks out the window and rests his elbows on his crossed knees. Luke can see the outline of the city in the distance, the skyline lit up against the dark sky. He wonders if he and Calum have ever watched it together.

*****

The sun filters through the blonde streaks in Calum’s hair as he leans against an old used Jetta in front of Luke’s apartment building. He’s wearing skinny jeans, a loose tank top, raybans and a smirk. Luke pauses on the step, needing a second to take it in. The sharp black lines along Calum’s arms stand out against his skin, drawing Luke towards him. Luke wonders which tattoos he helped Calum get, maybe tracing the lines down his arms or holding his hand at the tattoo parlour. Maybe some of the tattoos are for him.

“Morning,” Calum stands up and walks a step to meet Luke.

“Morning,” Luke says, not sure whether to reach out or not. Calum decides for them, leaning forward and planting one on Luke’s cheek. It’s a heavier kiss than the casual cheek kisses he’s used to with some of his friends. Calum keeps his nose pressed to Luke skin for a moment even after his lips pull back.

Calum speaks and a chill passes down Luke’s spine when the breath hits his chin, “You ready?”

“Yeah,” Luke takes a step back and heads toward the passenger door. Calum hovers and gives Luke a funny look, “What?”

“Nothing,” Calum shakes his head, messing with his hair, “Not used to you shotty. You always drove.”

Luke purses his lips, “You want me to drive your car?”

“My mom’s actually, I’ve still got to get one here,” Calum pulls the driver’s door open and plops down, “And it’s not like you haven’t driven this car before.”

Luke gets in and tucks himself into his seat, “Not to my knowledge, I haven’t.”

Calum turns the key in the ignition. He sighs and fiddles with the mirror, “Sorry, s’early. Brain’s not working properly.”

“That makes two of us,” Luke mumbles. Calum hears it, he must. He reaches a hand across the console and rests it on Luke’s thigh, large and warm. He rubs small circles with his thumbs as he pulls out of the parking lot.

“So,” Luke says as he plucks at the stubble under his chin.

“Yeah?”

“We...uh, we,” Luke tries to find the words, “We liked taking pictures of ourselves?”

Calum scrunches his eyebrows, “Yeah…”

Luke coughs, “And, uh, videos.”

Calum chances a glance at Luke before turning left down a side street, “Sure.”

“Videos without… without clothes…”

Calum lets out a loud bark of laughter, “You mean the one on my phone? Yeah, we were into that. Most of the good ones were on your phone though.”

Luke sits back in his seat, Calum’s palm heavy on his leg, “Oh, I know.”

Luke is about to retract what he said when Calum adds pressure to his leg, “You still have them?” Calum turns to Luke, confused, “How didn’t you remember my face?”

“I didn’t have them,” Luke shakes his head, throat feeling tighter as Calum squeezes, “Before I lost my memory, I put them on a jump drive for safe keeping, in case I wanted them some day or something, and Ashton gave them back to me last night.” Luke can feel his heart pumping in his chest at Calum’s heavy stare.

“You watched them then?”

Luke nods, a heavy motion that shakes his thoughts up.

Calum smirks, flicking his eyes back and forth between the road and Luke, “Like what you saw?”

“Mhm,” Luke tries to act like it’s no big deal but Calum’s grin gets wider, expectant, “Well, like, you were...you’re very- you know.”

Calum crooks an eyebrow with mirth, “Luke, we’ve had sex more times than I can count. You can say I’m hot.” Calum pulls his hand off Luke’s thigh as he navigates through traffic, “And you don’t have to be embarrassed about the videos. Like, I’m in them too. It wasn’t only you who liked them.”

Calum’s acting cavalier, like it’s no big deal, but to Luke it’s crazy. For all he knows, he’s never had any kinks. He wonders what else he and Calum used to get up to. He hopes Calum doesn’t see the blush tinting his cheeks.

“Fine, you’re really hot. And the videos were really hot too.”

“D’you get off to them last night?” Calum asks as he glances in the rear view mirror, only a hint of a grin lagging at the corner of his mouth.

Luke’s jaw drops. Calum lets out a breathy laugh but then reigns it back in. He pats Luke’s thigh again, “Dirty bastard.”

“I didn’t even say anything!” Luke tries to hide it even as he’s squirming in his seat.

“Don’t need to,” Calum keeps his smirk barely hidden, “I don’t blame you. Actually, you should send me a few.”

“Calum!” Luke says, completely scandalized. They met yesterday. Kind of.

“What?! I actually remember making them. I think I have more right to them than you do,” Calum is openly grinning at Luke and Luke feels like he’s about to burst. It’s nine in the morning on a Sunday. He’s never had this conversation or anything like it at nine in the morning on a Sunday before. To his knowledge.

“Where are we going?” Luke tries to steer the conversation away from what he and Calum may or may not have done at nine in the morning on past Sundays.

“Almost there,” Calum takes a turn down a road Luke’s never been down before but...everything looks familiar.

Calum pulls up in front of a little diner on the side of the road. There aren’t many cars in the parking lot and the neon pink sign is missing a letter. It reads  “The F amingo” with the ‘l’ sitting lifeless.

“This place?” Luke asks as Calum puts the car in park.

Calum turns with a grin, “Shut up, you love this place. Come on.”

Luke gets out of the car and starts feeling odd. It’s deja vu, it has to be, but it leaves an uncomfortable prickle on Luke’s skin. Calum pushes open the glass doors and a bell goes off. Luke expected it.

The booths are made of dark pink vinyl and have four syrups surrounding the napkin dispensers. The counter has the spinny stools, shiny chrome next to a swinging wooden door to the kitchen. There’s a guy at the counter with a cup of coffee and a family in a corner booth with stacks of pancakes on their plate.

“Oi!” Luke snaps his head in the direction of the counter. An older woman with greying hair comes out from behind the counter, “You lot aren’t allowed here.”

“I come back after a year and a half and this is the welcome I get?” Calum outstretches his arms and the woman walks into them. Luke’s shocked by the tight embrace.

“Guess you’re ok, love,” the woman mumbles over Calum’s shoulder, “but he’s only come back once since you left. No loyalty, that one,” the woman pulls back and gives Luke the stink eye as she crosses her arms.

“Val?” Luke asks quietly. He can’t remember her, but her name is clear in his head.

“Oh,” her gaze hardens, “Can’t even be bothered to remember my name now, huh?”

“Wait,” Calum puts a hand on Val’s shoulder and turns to Luke, “You remember her name?” Luke nods.

“Val,” Calum turns back, “Something weird happened and Luke forgot me when I left. That’s why he never came back.”

Val’s lips flatten, “What do you mean ‘forgot?’”

Luke steps up to add to the conversation, “I think they said it’s selective amnesia?” He shrugs, “I had no idea who Calum was until yesterday.”

Val’s face softens as she looks to Calum. She puts a hand on Calum’s arm, “Oh, dear-”

“It’s ok,” Calum slings an arm around Luke’s neck, reeling him in, “Just got to make him fall for me again. Won’t be too hard. And if he remembered you, maybe he’ll remember me eventually.” Calum smiles but Luke’s heart breaks at the hope in Calum’s voice.

“I’ll put your order in,” Val says, heading back behind the corner.

“You gonna eat with us?” Calum asks as he approaches a booth.

Val gives them a wistful smile, “Maybe next time.” She disappears behind the swinging door to the grill. Luke watches after her, trying to grasp on to a memory.

“Luke,” Luke looks down to Calum sitting in a booth, “Come on. It’s ok, she gets it.”

Luke slides into the booth, “I don’t know how I knew her name.”

Calum shrugs, “There’s a whole lot that I don’t understand about what’s going on with you. Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault your memory is gone.”

“Isn’t it?” Luke asks, eyes flicking around the diner, searching out something, anything, that will link to a substantial memory. It’s all flickers, “What if I forced it to happen? Maybe there’s instructions online or something and I made myself forget.”

Calum grins, “Then that’s old you’s fault. Can’t blame that on you.”

Luke gulps. Calum’s resting his head on his palm, elbow supported on the table. His head is cocked as he watches Luke. Everything about Calum is gentle, the corner of his lips, the swoop of his hair, the loose set of his shoulders. Luke can’t wrap his head around it. Calum’s patience with him is staggering. The relationship that produced this kind of ease in the face of disaster...Luke bites his lip and clears his head.

Luke reaches out to grab Calum’s hand sitting on the table to ground him. Calum lets him take over easily.

Calum’s fingers have callouses in all the best places and Luke takes a few moments to scan for all the scabs. Luke touches them, one by one, trying to be as gentle with Calum as he’s being with Luke. When Luke looks up, Calum’s mouth has quirked into a smirk.

“Miss them?” Calum asks with a jaunty voice.

Luke tangles their fingers together, “Based on those videos, I’m sure I would if I remembered.”

“We’ll have to make new memories.” Calum mumbles and Luke’s temperature rises a few degrees.

Luke, again, gets distracted by thoughts of Calum’s fingers and misses Val bringing the food to them until she’s dropping a plate down in front of him, “Hope you haven’t forgotten how you like your omelettes.”

“Thank you,” Luke says back to her, taking in the massive plates filled with food in front of them. Both are heaped with enormous omelettes, homefries, bacon, and toast.

Val sets down a mug of coffee next to each of their plates, “It’s on the house boys. Enjoy.”

“Thanks Val,” Calum says as he picks up his fork. Luke, in shock, raises his fists in victory.

“I love this place!” Luke calls out and Calum laughs at him.

“Good to know you’re still easy for free food,” Calum says.

Luke, in retaliation, reaches across to grab a piece of Calum’s bacon when Calum pours creamer and sugar into his mug. Calum’s jaw drops comically as he watches. Luke grins back as he takes a bite. Calum spears a few of Luke’s homefries with a stab of his fork.

“You really think,” Luke feels electric as Calum purses his lips toward him, like he’s won their war, “that I care about a few potatoes when I took one fifth of your bacon?” They both start laughing as soon as it’s out of Luke’s mouth.

“Speaking of boring math things,” Calum punctuates with his cutlery, “you still at that accounting firm?”

“Nope, wasn’t for me. I am a Finance Management Consultant,” Luke bounces his eyebrows as he says his job title.

“What?” Calum says. His eyes are wide with genuine interest, an uncommon reaction in Luke’s experience.

Luke shrugs, “Not as glamorous as it sounds. I have a contract with six or seven small businesses and I work for them a few hours a week to advise them. It’s for businesses that aren’t big enough to need a full time accountant but still need financial support.”

Calum grins, “Sounds perfect for you.”

Luke could get used to this constant support, “Yeah, I like it. Different clients so it’s never boring. And there are job perks.”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever want twenty percent off at the new froyo shop down the road, call me up.” Calum cracks up and Luke hides his proud smile at getting Calum to laugh. Luke takes another bite before asking, “How did an accountant and a songwriter get together in the first place?”

Calum looks up, “You really want to know?”

“Yeah.”

Calum sits back in the booth, “I was a music theory major and I met Mikey in one of my classes junior year. We started hanging out and he invited me to a bar one night. You were there.”

Luke makes a face, “We met at a bar?”

“Yeah, and had sex in it about an hour after,” Luke nearly spits out his coffee and Calum chuckles. “After that, you started stalking me and professing your love for me. Asked you out to get you to stop more than anything else.”

Luke leans forward, “What’s the real story?”

Calum crosses his arms and rolls his eyes, “That is the real story.”

“Calum.”

“Fine.” Calum takes a bite of his toast, “Bar part was true. We hooked up at the bar and kept doing it after. You started hanging out with me and Mikey and we clicked. No one’s ever gotten me like you Luke,” Calum meets Luke’s gaze and reaches out to touch his arm, “even back at the beginning. One day, we were lying around and you said you weren’t sleeping with anyone else and I said that I wasn’t either and that’s how we committed. It was super casual but it’s us, you know?”

“I don’t,” Luke says, “but I hope to.”

Calum gives Luke a smile tinted by longing and hope, “Good enough for me.”

They finish off their plates with a lull in conversation. When they’re both done, Calum stands up with his plate, headed toward the kitchen, “Come on.”

Luke follows behind as Calum goes behind he counter and settles his plate in a bin of dirty dishes near the swinging door. Luke copies him.

“Pop, that was great man,” Luke turns to see Calum looking through the small window, speaking to a pudgy, mustachioed, cook.

“Good to hear your back, son. Love that song, we turn it up every time the radio plays it,” The cook, Pop, winks at Calum.

“Thanks,” Calum says, waving good bye, “We’ll be back soon.”

“Wonderful! And you!” Pop points to Luke, “Get your memories back, alright?”

Luke shifts on his feet, “Will try, sir.”

Pop and Calum look at each other before Pop lets out a boom of laughter and Calum snickers.

“We better leave before he gives you more amo, Pop,” Calum says, still laughing.

Luke follows Calum out from behind the counter and towards the door. Val is folding napkins and silverware near the register.

“Hey Calum,” Luke calls out, “I’ll meet you in the car. I’m going to use the bathroom.”

Calum gives Luke a look like he knows exactly what Luke’s doing. Still, Calum shrugs and waves at Val, “See you soon Val.”

“Don’t know what that means with you anymore,” she grumbles in a fond voice.

As soon as the bell has rung behind Calum, Luke grabs the stool in front of Val.

“Can I help you with something?” Her expression is mocking but her voice is soft.

“You said I came in once after Calum left,” Luke tucks his hand into the strands of hair at the back of his neck, “and I don’t remember it. So, it had to be before I lost my memories.”

Val nods grimly. She sighs and puts her task aside, “You were a wreck, love.”

Luke stiffens, “What happened?”

“It was about a week after he left,” Val leans over toward him, giving them the illusion of privacy, “and you look like you hadn’t slept since. Were waiting for me and Pop when we drove up,” Luke nods along as she speaks. It feels like a bedtime story or a news article is being read to him, not a retelling of his own life, “You helped open and sat in the corner for a few hours, picking at stuff we brought you and making polite conversation. Then you left, told me you thought it would help, being at your place, but it made it all worse.” Val puts a hand over his as he mulls her words over.

“Did I say anything else?” Luke asks timidly.

“I tried asking you what had you so beat up. You wouldn’t say much, just that it was your fault. You made a mistake that you couldn’t take back. Other than that, you kinda stared into space unless Pop or I were in front of you.” Val goes back to rolling silverware and Luke stands up.

“Thanks Val, have a good day,” Luke calls over his shoulder with a wave.

“Bye sweetie, feel better.” Luke takes one last look at the vaguely familiar seats and steps out of the doorway.  

Luke kicks a rock on the way to the Jetta, seeing Calum’s worried eyes as he approaches. Luke, trying to sort out and process all that he’s learned this morning, isn’t thinking clearly when he gets into the car.

Before Calum can pull the car out of park, Luke is up over the console with his mouth on Calum’s. Calum is unphased, immediately grabbing onto Luke with both hands and pulling him down harder. Luke gives into the skillful way Calum kisses to spur Luke on. It’s intoxicating.

Luke pulls back with a gasp and rights himself in his seat, buckling his seatbelt. Calum’s breath is staggered next to him, catching at a laugh on the end.

“Sorry,” Luke whispers.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Calum stares at Luke’s mouth, “not the first time we’ve made out in a parking lot. In this parking lot, even.”

Luke lets out a breathless laugh, “We’re into some weird stuff, huh?”

Calum smirks before throwing the car into reverse, “You don’t know the half of it.”

******

Luke wakes up to his alarm and reaches across the bed to- nothing. He grasps hold of the loose sheet and opens his eyes. It’s muscle memory, something he’s always done but never realized he did until now. He shakes his head, trying to wake up. He unclenches his fist on the sheet after a few seconds.

Thanks to Ashton and Mikey’s weird work schedules, Calum had ended up staying late the night before. Luke had snuck off at midnight with a stolen kiss to get ready for bed. The pleasant thoughts of cuddly Calum the night before filter through his mind as he showers and dresses. Calum’s whispered ‘love you’ as Luke walked away had shocked him, but it was no longer scary.

When Luke walks down the hall towards the kitchen, he spots a pair of feet hanging over the end of the couch in the living room. He takes tentative steps towards the light breathing and twitching toes.

It’s Calum, obviously. He’s sleeping on his belly with his legs kicked up over the end of the couch. The blankets over his shoulders hang down to reveal his sculpted upper back through his taught T-shirt. Luke should let him sleep. He doesn’t.

Luke leans forward and runs a finger down each of Calums’ arches. Calum tries to get away from it, drawing his feet in. Luke can tell when Calum wakes up, letting out a low, drawn out groan, “Luke.”

“Good morning,” Luke says as Calum turns over to his back. He stares up, dazed, at Luke.

“Thanks,” his voice is gruff with sleep. Calum rubs an eye with the palm of his hand. Luke wants to pinch his cheeks he’s so cute and grumpy.

“You know, you could’ve slept in our bed. I wouldn’t have minded.” Luke leans over the couch, placing his hands on the arm rest.

Calum looks at him quizzically, “Our bed?”

Luke shrugs, “Feels weird calling it my bed when it’s more yours than mine.”

Calum grins, “C’m here.” He beckons with a crooked finger.

Luke climbs over Calum’s limbs. He hovers over Calum, knees on either side of Calum’s hips and arms suspending him above Calum. Calum frowns.

“Stop. You’re being too careful,” Calum reaches up and puts his hands on Luke’s hips, one of his hands settling on the bare skin between Luke’s shirt and trousers.

“I don’t want to cross any boundaries.”

Calum rolls his eyes, “There is literally nothing you could do that involves you and my body that would be crossing a boundary.”

Luke takes it as a challenge and grins down, “Ok.” Luke leans down over Calum’s face and gathers spit in his mouth. He lets the spit slip out so it’s hovering over Calum’s cheek.

Calum smiles, “You really don’t remember your own kinks, do you?”

Luke startles back, slurping the spit back in his mouth, “There is no way we had a spit kink. Is that even real?”

Calum laughs, “Nah, kidding. But I had you going for a second there, right?”

Luke lowers himself down over Calum again, planting a spit sloppy kiss to his cheek before moving to Calum’s mouth.

“Want to go back to your room?” Calum asks as he plucks at the elastic of Luke’s boxer’s waistband.

“I’ve got to get to work,” Luke pushes off of Calum.

“Skip,” Calum hides his eyes behind his arm, “It’s only the froyo guy. You can start paying full price for froyo.”

Luke shakes his head with a wide smile on his face, “Today is the flower shop actually.”

Calum sits up and looks at Luke expectantly, sitting propped on the end of the couch, “Can’t upset the flower shop owner then.” Calum grabs the back of Luke’s knees and pulls him closer, getting his hands on Luke’s waist.

“She’s a very nice lady. Martha.” Luke plays with Calum’s squishy cheeks, pulling them and prodding, before stepping back out of Calum’s grasp, “I’m going to get some cereal, you want some?”

“Sure, thanks babe,” Calum reclines back on the sofa and flicks on the TV as Luke exits the room. He grabs the box of cheerios and the milk, hoping that Calum likes his cereal the same degree of soggy that Luke does. As Luke walks back into the living room, he hears stirring from down the hall.

“Thanks,” Calum takes one of the bowls from Luke and Luke plops down next to him. They’re sitting shoulder to shoulder as they watch an old rerun of a 90s sitcom when Mikey stomps in.

“Well look at that,” Luke says, checking the time, “I can’t remember the last time I saw your face before 11.”

“Shut up,” Mikey says, “Calum, I’m sending you back to LA if you can’t be fucking quiet in the morning.” Mikey rubs his face with his worn T-shirt and Luke snickers. “And you,” Mikey points at Luke, “What are you so happy about?”

“Well, I’ve got my cheerios, I’ve got my Calum.” Luke shrugs, because there’s the answer. Calum rewards him by slotting his head into Luke’s neck.

“See? I didn’t even need a week. Only took three days.” Calum grins and Luke pretends to be frustrated, but Calum sees through it and laughs.

“Ugh,” Mikey says with his nostrils flared, “I forgot you guys were like this. God, Calum, leave Luke again and go back to LA.”

Mikey leaves the room and Luke and Calum are left in an awkward bubble. Neither of them say anything until the laugh track on the TV screen startles them.

Calum twines his arm and then fingers with Luke’s, “Want to come by the studio later? I’m doing a writing session with this band, it won’t be until after you get out of work,” Luke leans his head more purposefully against Calum’s, “we can order dinner on the company bill. Might be fun.”

“Ok,” Luke says, voice small in his chest, “I’ve got to go. Supposed to be there at nine.” Luke grabs both of their almost empty bowls and heads to put them in the kitchen.

Mikey’s standing by the sink, arms crossed and apologetic look on his face, “Luke, I’m sorry man-”

“It’s ok, Mikey.”

“No, seriously,” Mikey says reaching out to rest a hand on Luke’s shoulder, “That wasn’t cool of me to say. I think it’s really great you and Calum are getting back together. What I said was shit.” Mikey pats his shoulder a few times before taking his mug of coffee to the living room.

Luke puts his and Calum’s bowls in the sink and turns on the faucet. He stares down as the water washes away any trace that they were used.

 

******

 

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Uhhh..” Luke mumbles into the phone, “Are you sure this is the right address?”

“Luke, the name of the label is literally over the door.”

“Ok. I’m- I’m here then.”

“Good. Floor 19, studio C. See ya soon.”

“Bye Calum,” Luke hangs up the phone before Calum can say anything else.

Luke is standing in front of a thirty or more story building downtown. The sharp chrome and metal of the sleek architectural lines are imposing next to the cursive over the door. Luke feels like a child in a room full of adult as he holds the three bags full of Chinese food that Calum asked him to pick up. Luke takes a deep breath and heads for the doors.

Inside, the dark tiles shin in the sunlit room. The atrium is huge, a giant mural on the ceiling depicting an abstract battle scene. There are people on cell phones walking to and fro but mostly through a set of openings that remind Luke of subway turnstiles. People are swiping ID badges to get through. Luke shakes his head slightly and tightens his grip, lamenting the fact Calum hadn’t given him a better idea of how to get up. Luke walks toward a long desk with three women behind it, hoping to get some answers.

A woman with long black hair looks uninterested as he approaches, “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I’m here to see one of your songwriters?” Luke stumbles over the words.

“We employ hundreds. Which one?” The woman says, pulling up a database on the computer behind her.

“Calum Hood?” She doesn’t type the name in, turning back instead to look at Luke with a raised eyebrow. She glances down to the bags.

“Oh, are you dropping that off. You can leave that here and we’ll bring it up to him.” She reaches a hand for the phone and Luke stops her.

“Uh, no. I’m actually his boyfriend? I’m supposed to meet him for dinner,” Luke says as the arch in her eyebrow widens.

“His boyfriend?” She says it like she doesn’t believe him. Luke’s senses flare, needing her to say it to realize what he had said. Is he even Calum’s boyfriend?

“Yeah,” Luke says, wearing a mask of confidence, “his boyfriend. Do you want me to call him to prove it?”

She pouts, “That won’t be necessary. One moment please.” She turns on her spinny chair back to the computer. Luke sees her type in Calum’s name in a search field.

“He’s in studio C on the 19th floor, if that helps.” Luke says. The woman turns to give him a small professional smile before going back to her search. Once satisfied, she picks up the phone and dials a number.

“May I speak with Mr.Hood? Oh hello sir. I’m calling because there is a man here who says he’s your boyfriend…” the smile the woman was wearing drops as she listens in, “Oh. We’ll send him right up then. For future reference, if you do not wish to escort your guest up yourself, you need to provide them-” Luke almost starts to laugh at the deep lines of a frown forming on the woman’s face, framed by her wide embarrassed eyes. She turns in her chair to the girl along the desk to her right, “Nic, did Calum Hood leave a visitors ID with you?”

The bright blonde woman in the chair passes an envelope to the dark haired woman, “Here, he dropped it off a few hours ago.”

The dark haired woman glances at Luke apologetically before going back to the phone, “So sorry about interrupting you Mr.Hood. We’re sending him up now.” She swivels to Luke and extends her hand and the envelope, “So sorry sir. Here is your visitors ID. It gives you access to the building as well as the floors and rooms Mr.Hood has specified. When you come in, tap it at the gate and you’ll be all set. Is there anything else I can get you?”

With a grin on his face, Luke’ shifts all the bags of food into one hand and grabs the envelope, “No thanks.”

“Have a good day sir!” The woman calls out as he spins on his heels to the turnstiles.

The building is technologically advanced. Luke has to tap his ID in the elevator to light up some of the buttons. Apparently Calum thinks Luke needs access to floors five, eleven, and sixteen through twenty one. Luke presses the button for nineteen and the elevator takes off.

It’s after five so the hallways on floor nineteen aren’t too crowded. There are more people than Luke would expect after work hours but fewer than what he assumes is the usual number. There is a large map of the floor near the bank of elevators so he easily makes his way to studio C.

When Luke turns the last corner, he spots Calum leaning up against the wall. He’s scrolling on his phone but looks up and smiles when he sees Luke. Luke lets out the breath he'd been holding since he saw the domineering security guards outside the front doors.

“Hey,” Calum says, walking to Luke and taking two of the bags, “Thanks for coming.”

Luke grins, “Thanks for having me. In the future, maybe warn me you work in a skyscraper with armed guards.”

Calum frowns. He places a hand on Luke’s waist, “Were they rude to you down there? The person I talked to seemed kind of-”

“They weren’t nice about it. Definitely didn’t believe you had a boyfriend,” Luke mumbles. Calum’s eyes go wide and his lips part for a moment before he chuckles and looks warmly at Luke.

“I mean, I didn’t know it either,” Luke shifts uncomfortably but Calum tightens his hand, “Typical Luke Hemmings, forcing me into a committed relationship after only three days.” Luke worries for a moment but is reassured by Calum pinching his waist. Luke retaliates by tickling Calum’s side until Calum lets go.

“So is that what we are?” Luke hesitates after Calum has grabbed Luke’s wrist to stop his fingers, “Boyfriends?”

Calum smirks, “Whole lot more than that babe.” Calum runs his hand down Luke’s wrist to grab his hand. Their fingers slot together and Luke can’t remember the last time he held hands with someone like this. He doesn’t understand why Calum’s fingers seem to fit so nicely along with his. Before he can spend too much time on the thought, Calum is pulling him towards a door.

“Come on, you’ve got to meet the boys,” Calum taps a badge against the door, “We’re probably going to start recording a demo soon. Should be entertaining.” Calum shrugs over his shoulder as he drags Luke into the room.

Luke hears them first, the sound of voices talking over each other. Calum calls out, “Dinner’s here!” and a few whoops come from the room. They turn a corner and Luke freezes.

“You’re working with One Direction?” Luke mutters and freezes while Calum gets tugged back by their linked hands.

Calum furrows his eyebrows, “Did I not mention that?”

“No!” Luke squeaks, dropping Calum’s hand.

“Oh,” Calum hands his bags to Liam Payne and Luke might pass out, “Well, I’m working with One Direction. It’s Liam, Louis, Niall, Zayn and Harry,” Calum points out each of the boys as he says their names, knowledge Luke already possesses. As each name is called, the appropriate boy raises their hand in a little wave.

“I know,” Luke says, trying not to sound like he owns their album.

“Guys, this is Luke,” Calum grabs the other bag from Luke and takes his seat next to Liam. There’s a spare chair next to him that doesn’t fit in, like Calum dragged it up for Luke before so Luke wouldn’t have to. Luke appreciates the act. He does not appreciate that he is somehow going to have to keep his cool while eating with chopsticks next to Harry Styles.

“Hi Luke,” Niall says as he grabs one of the food containers. Liam and Calum are passing out the different containers to the different people, a few going into the middle. Calum sets a container at Luke’s chair. Luke hadn't told him what to order.

“So who are you exactly?” Louis asks Luke before he pops a bite of fried rice in his mouth.

Before Luke can answer, Calum chimes in, “He’s my muse.”

“That’s cute,” Harry says, “Nice to meet you Calum’s muse.”

“Uh...yeah. Nice to meet you too,” Luke sits down and reaches a tentative hand towards the container in front of him. They boys quickly pick up the conversation they’d been having without Calum and Luke, so Luke pushes his chair closer to Calum to talk.

“What is this?” Luke asks when he sees the letters MF on the top.

Calum fixes him with a look, “Are you serious? You forgot about mei fun too?”

“What’s that?” Luke pinches his face together.

Calum rolls his eyes, “Try it. That place near home gave it to you on accident one time and you loved it.”

“Ok,” Luke says hesitantly. Calum bumps his shoulder and gives him a reassuring smile.

Luke loves mei fun. After a few hesitant bites, he digs in and listens to the conversations happening around him. It seems like a planning meeting for the next prank 1d are pulling on their tour manager. Calum is listening and giving advice between bites but is mostly focusing on transferring notes from paper into a computer program.

“Whenever you guys are ready,” Calum says, showing them the screen.

“Can we do the guitars first?” Niall asks, tossing his empty container into the discarded bags.

“Yeah, come on,” Calum grabs his computer and the neck of a guitar next to him, “Anyone want to do the beat?”

“I’ll help,” Liam stands.

“Thanks,” Calum says. They walk into an adjoining room. Luke is alone with three members of One Direction.

“What are they doing?” Luke asks.

“Recording the instrumental part of the demo,” Harry says, fiddling with a fortune cookie, “Calum hasn’t been trained on this equipment yet-”

“And they don’t trust us with it,” Louis interrupts.

“Yeah, they won’t teach us, so he’s recording it on his laptop,” Harry finishes.

Luke checks the time, “So, you guys have been here two hours and you already have enough to make a demo?”

Louis shrugs, “We talked last week about what we wanted and he came in with ideas. Once we had a base, it was easy from there.” Luke nods his hands to show he understands.

“So,” Harry is leaning forward onto his palm, “he said you were his muse. Does that mean you’re boyfriends?”

Luke sits back in his chair and fiddles with his hair, “Uh, yeah.”

“Oh,” Harry looks surprised, “That’s nice.”

“So is Beside You about you then?” Zayn speaks for the first time since the others have left, thumbs still poised over the screen of his phone.

“Yeah,” Luke smiles small, “We broke up for a year while he was in LA so he wrote that while we weren’t together.” Luke’s hands are tapping nervously against his thighs. He doesn’t know how to tell the biggest boy band in the world that he forgot all his memories of Calum but the last three days with him have been more exciting than the previous year.

“It’s a good song,” Louis nods his head once.

“So how’d you meet?” Harry asks.

Luke stumbles over his thoughts, “In a bar.” Harry momentarily makes a face and Luke sits up, “I know right? It’s a terrible story, so cliche.” Luke leans back shaking his head.

Harry’s opening his mouth to say something when Calum opens the door to the adjoining room, “Get in there guys. We’ve only got the room until eight.”

The boys get up and head into the room, shutting the door behind them. Calum walks to Luke’s chair, “I didn’t realize you were a fan.” Calum wears a mocking smirk.

Luke chuckles, “Who isn’t?”

Calum pulls Harry’s chair in close to Luke and sits, “I wasn’t sure what level of music snob you were at. Thought if I told you who it was, you wouldn’t want to come.”

Luke quirks an eyebrow, “Music snob?”

“You were the worst music snob the last semester before graduation. I was working on my final project and was analyzing stuff from all different genres and you would get this look on your face,” Calum pauses to make a calculating and disapproving face before falling into a laugh, “I’d call you out and you’d pretend you’re not a music snob, like you are right now.”

Luke laughs, “I’m not! You should see me dance to Katy Perry.”

Calum links their feet under the table and throws a heavy look at Luke, “Trust me, I have.”

Luke swallows. There’s an invisible line that they’ve been pushing but haven’t broken. Luke thinks back to the first day, Calum jumping on top of Luke and not hesitating to strip. It’s those actions and others over the past few days that causes Luke to grin back at Calum.

The rest of the recording goes well. The boys finish messing with their harmonies and they listen through the track with a sense of accomplishment written on their faces. At eight on the dot, a group of large men usher the boys into an elevator and out of the building. Calum hangs back, saying they should wait until the boys are gone and the fans have followed.

“So, what did you do today?” Calum asks while they wait fifteen minutes by the bank of elevators.

“Flower shop,” Luke responds.

Calum nods, “I know, how was it?”

Luke sighs. He appreciates it when people try and act interested in what he does but sometimes it’s easier for everyone if they get the lack of interest out in the open.

“You don’t have to pretend to be interested in what I do Calum.” Luke turns to him, arms crossed.

“Ok, I won’t. What did you do today at the flower shop? And which one is it?” Calum checks his watch and presses the down button on the elevator.

“Petals on South Street,” Luke answers, watching the number over the elevator rise to them.

“Luke,” Calum grabs Luke’s elbow, “Stop, talk to me. I’m interested in your day.” Calum looks slightly annoyed, “I listened to all your firm stories and now I’m here to listen to your finance management stories. That’s what boyfriends do.”  

“I’ll have to take your word for it.” Luke says, stepping into the elevator doors as they open.

Luke hears Calum sigh as he steps into the elevator and jams the button for the main floor. Calum turns to Luke, “How long is this going to be a thing for you? Beating yourself up for forgetting me?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Luke says desperately, “In my head, I’ve never been in a relationship. That’s what I meant. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend because I’ve never had one.”

The only noise in the elevator is the beeping of the floors as they go down. Calum’s lips are pouted and eyebrows furrowed.

“So you haven’t…” Calum starts, but Luke cuts him off.

“I dated a few guys in college but when things started to get serious they bailed. But I’m sure you knew that. And…” Luke leans back against the wall, “nothing in the last year and a half. I mean, there were a few dates that were awful, the guys weren’t right for me.” The last few words catch in his throat and come out more as sounds.

Calum takes a step closer, his eyes clear, “I didn’t know how to ask.” He leans back on the wall next to Luke, “I was afraid I wasn’t the last person you loved.”

Luke raises his head and grabs Calum’s eye contact, “I’m pretty sure you’re the only person I’ve loved.”

Calum leans in and places a quick kiss on Luke’s lips. It sucks all the anxiety out of Luke and he’s reacting right as the elevator rings for their stop.

Calum pulls back and walks out of the elevator looking back over his shoulder and extending his hand to Luke. Luke presses off the wall and grabs it.

They walk through separate gates with their arms stretched over them, a small grin on Calum’s face.

As they push through the front doors and head towards the parking garage, Luke speaks.

“Martha is going to run her business into the ground. She buys way too many flowers and gives the extras away to her favorite customers.” Luke watches the sidewalk.

“She’s still doing it and you’ve worked for her for how long?” Calum mocks.

“She’s been doing it in secret,” Luke insists, “I was balancing the books today. The inventory and sales quantities didn’t make sense so I confronted her and she confessed. Nearly cried. She’s got to start buying fewer flowers.” Luke shakes his head and Calum grins.

“It’s a flower shop, isn’t she supposed to have a lot of flowers?”

Luke turns to Calum to defend himself, “Every morning she gets a shipment of 100 sunflowers. Guess how many she sells in a day?”

Calum smiles and pulls Luke down a ramp to the floor with their cars, “50.”

“On average, one a day. If she’s lucky,” Luke shakes his head, “No one wants them in arrangements and that’s how you sell flowers. But roses,” Luke throws up a hand and Calum laughs, “she’s constantly selling out of roses, but she won’t listen to me and spend the sunflower money on roses. I don’t even know why she hired me.”

“Probably for your looks. Keep morale up at the shop with that face,” Calum pinches Luke’s cheeks as they stop at a spot equidistant to their cars.

Luke smirks, “Don’t know if I’m helping much then.”

“I’m sure you’re a huge help,” Calum squeezes Luke’s hand then drops it, “When are you free again?”

“Well, I’m free now,” Luke rocks forward on his toes, “if you want to come over?”

“Sure, I could do that,” Calum starts pulling his keys out of his pocket and Luke reaches forward and grabs his wrist.

Luke stares resolutely at where his fingers grip Calum’s forearm, “I was thinking you could spend the night.”

“Yeah?”

Luke’s eyes flick up to Calum’s eyes. Calum’s got a mischievous smile on his face and the skin by his eyes is crinkled in unspoken laughter. Luke decides to wipe the smirk away. Luke hold the sides of Calum’s face in his palms and leans to kiss him instead of responding.

Calum easily gets into it, getting his hands in Luke’s back pockets and tongue in Luke’s mouth. A car beeps a few rows down and they break apart. Luke laughs because he made out in the middle of a parking garage with a boy who loves him.

“So I’ll meet you at home?” Calum lays a hand on Luke’s waist.

“Race you,” Luke says before darting off to his car, Calum’s laughter the soundtrack on his way.

*******

 

Luke wakes up to his alarm and reaches across the bed to slide his arm around Calum’s waist.

“Why do you wake up so early?” Calum grumbles. He rubs a hand over his face as Luke presses closer to Calum’s body.

“Because I have a normal people job,” Luke’s stubble drags against Calum’s bare chest as he speaks.

“No you don’t, you get to pick your hours. Pick different hours,” Calum turns his whole body. Luke is pressed back onto the bed, Calum and him lying with their shoulders on the mattress and their faces close.

“Good morning,” Luke says when Calum’s nose bumps against his.

“Shut up,” Calum leans in to kiss Luke. Luke’s hand slides down Calum’s back to pull him closer. Luke now knows the feel of Calum’s skin beneath his palm and it’s addictive qualities.  

Calum pulls back and opens his eyes with a grin, “Where are you going today?”

“Um,” Luke rubs his forehead trying to bring up his appointment book, “It’s the bowling Alley in the morning and then the Nail Salon in the mall for the afternoon. Should be home late.”

“You want me here?” Calum asks.

Luke looks at Calum. His face has become a sort of home for Luke. A peace settles over him when he sees those eyes, those lips, that angle of a cheek. It’s been four days. Luke’s lost memories must have some sort of impact on his psyche.

“You should move back in,” Luke whispers to Calum. Calum’s smile drops and the sleep haze vanishes.

“What?”

Luke shrugs, “I think it would be a good idea. If you’re going to spend all your time here anyways, might as well move your stuff here too.”

Calum’s lips form a straight line across his face, “Luke-”

“Have you lied to me?” Luke’s voice is barely a breath.

“No.”

“Then I don’t see why you shouldn’t. We didn’t break up because of some problem and we were really happy for a bunch of years. I’m really happy with you,” Luke swallows after the last part, needing a few seconds, “It makes sense.”

Calum turns and looks up at the ceiling. Luke wants to take it back. He thought Calum would be happy and jump at the chance to be back in the apartment, now that they're figuring things out. But Calum’s frowning and doesn’t stop Luke when Luke pulls his hand off Calum’s stomach.

“Ok,” Calum says, turning back to Luke, “Ok. But only if you promise that if it gets to be too much, you’ll kick me out. I don’t want to risk this just because I want to get back together.”

“What do you mean? We are back together.”

Calum sighs, “I know, but I’m working from a different spot. For me it’s getting back together and for you it’s getting together and….if you don’t like that, let me know. We can do normal, go slow and stuff.”

Luke shakes his head, “No. This is good. I like this.”

“Luke.”

“Fine,” Luke turns to grab a pair of sweatpants on the ground and put them on. He feels like a child being reprimanded, “I’ll tell you if it’s too much.” Luke gets up and grabs his towel, heading for the door.

“Where are you going?” Calum calls from the bed.

“To shower.” Luke turns with his hand on the door knob, “I have to go to work in an hour.” Luke leaves before Calum can call him back.

Luke thinks about it when he washes his hair in the shower. The anger in him had dissipated and he’s thinking rationally. And he gets it. He gets that Calum and he are on two completely different planes. He gets that Calum wants this long term, that for him it isn’t meeting someone and seeing if it works. Luke doesn’t know what to do with that.

Luke goes back to his room, towel wrapped around his waist. Calum is asleep in his bed, their bed. He looks peaceful, his bare chest and the tattoos on display.

Luke sighs. He’s not sure how to approach this. Should he wake Calum up like he did yesterday? Write him an ‘I’m sorry for being snippy’ note and leave for work? Text and ask him to call so Luke can apologize over the phone?

Luke takes his towel off and tries to get the excess water out of his hair. He grabs the top pair of clean underwear and starts to put them on.

“No…” a weak voice from the bed says. Luke turns to see Calum awake and watching him.

Luke pulls up the underwear, “That was a little creepy.”

“Well, you’re wearing my underwear so we’re even,” Calum says, still leering.

“These are yours?”

“Yep.”

Luke shakes his head, “Who buys underwear at American Apparel?”

“You must have thought that you did,” Calum claims from the bed as Luke grabs a button up from the closet.

“Still, you’ve got crap taste in underwear,” Luke grins at Calum.

“I’m going to write a song about this,” Calum says, “Something about you wearing my shit underwear and making them look hot.”

Luke walks over to the bed and leans over Calum, hands on either side of his head, “Good thing you came back. You wouldn’t have anything to write about without me.”

Calum buttons the last two buttons at the top of Luke’s shirt and smiles, “True.”

Luke bites his lip, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Calum says, eyes bright as they reel Luke in, “I know it’s hard for you.”

“It’s not. It should be, but it’s not,” Luke runs a hand down Calum’s chest, “And that’s why I asked.”

Calum looks to the side before meeting Luke’s eyes, “Remember that I’m trying to do right by you, ok? I’m not playing games or trying to make trouble. I’m trying to do whatever is best for you.”

“I know.”

“I love you,” the words sparkle in the air as they leave Calum’s lips. Luke leans down and presses the words back against Calum’s mouth.

Luke pulls back and grabs a pair of trousers, “I’ve got to go. See you later.”

“I’ll be here,” Calum turns back to snuggle into the blankets and Luke dashes out to make it to work on time.

******

 

“Who’s home?” Luke calls when he gets home from his long day of work. Luke is pretty sure that one of the employees at the bowling alley is stealing from the tills. Luke can’t wait to tell Calum something actually exciting about his job.

“Me. Kitchen,” It’s Ashton but his voice isn’t it’s normal enthusiasm filled self. Luke kicks off his shoes and loosens his tie before heading in.

“Hey,” Luke says.

“Hi. Beer?” Ashton is sitting at the counter with a beer in front of him and his glasses on.

“I’ll get it,” Luke walks to the fridge in his socks, asking, “Where are Mikey and Cal?”

“Cal?” Ashton questions. Luke turns, confused, to see Ashton with his arms crossed on the counter.

“Yeah, where are they?”

“Picking up dinner. They went to that italian place,” Ashton says, distracted.

“Is everything ok Ash? You’re acting weird,” Luke takes a sip of the beer and prepares for the worst.

Ashton sighs, “Calum told us you asked him to move in.”

Luke shrugs, “Seemed to make the most sense. He was looking for an apartment, he used to live here. I have a double bed.”

Ashton shakes his head, “You don’t think any of this is too fast?”

Luke puts his beer on the counter and rest his weight on his fists against the tile. He looks at Ashton hard, “Make up your mind Ashton, either you’re ok with it or you’re not.”

“I’m worried about both of you, I’m allowed to talk to you about this. Especially because it affects me and Mikey too,” Ashton says, finger jabbing against the counter as he speaks, “You’re two of my closest friends and I don’t want this to ruin that.”

“You said this was good for me, that you trusted him-” Ashton cuts Luke off.

“I didn’t know you were going to ask him to move in four days after you met him!” Ashton’s arms are extended and vulnerable.

Luke stills. His mind is all over the place so his body stays fixed, grounding him. Luke raps his fingers against the counter twice before speaking, “I’m really happy with him, Ash.”

“I know Luke, I remember.”

“No, you don’t-” Luke runs a hand over his face. He has no way to explain this. It seems crazy on paper, asking your ex to move in four days after reconnecting with them. But Luke needs this.

Luke reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. He can feel Ashton’s eyes on him as he flicks through to the saved photos. He finds one of Calum holding a straw up to Luke’s face and Luke is smiling wide and deep.

“Look at this,” Luke shows the picture to Ashton.

“I was there when this was taken,” Ashton says, quirking an eyebrow at Luke.

“Look at how happy I look,” Luke points to the smile, floored by it. He scrolls to the next picture, a selfie with him and Calum, “And here. Look, and this one,” He scrolls through the pictures, pointing out his giddy smiles and adoring smiles and crazy smiles.

“Yeah, I remember Luke,” Ashton says.

“Well I don’t,” Luke says, dropping the phone on the counter. He runs a hand through his hair and tries to escape the look Ashton is giving him, “I can’t remember that. It’s like all my memories are toned down and lifeless now because I know all these happy moments have been taken out.” Luke can’t look at Ashton as he speaks. Instead, he grabs his beer again and waves it around to punctuate his words.

“He makes me happy Ash. In four days, I feel like that when I’m with him. And...if I can feel like that all the time, I want to.” Luke finishes, arms wide and hair askew, and looks at Ashton.

Ashton is looking at the screen. It had stopped on a picture of Luke, Calum, and Ashton at the Grand Canyon, from their graduation trip. Luke’s memories of the trip now make sense knowing that Calum is missing from them, but it makes him long for the real memories that much more.

“I heard you met One Direction yesterday,” Ashton says quietly into the top of his beer bottle.

“Yeah,” Luke tries to tamp down his hair, “It was great.”

“That’s cool.”

The room sits in silence as they both take sips and Luke grabs his phone back to put in his pocket. He doesn’t know if he should leave or wait for Ashton to say something.

“Just be careful,” Ashton finally says, “I don’t want either of you to break the other’s heart.”

Luke taps a finger against the counter, “Based on what I’ve heard, I’m not even sure that’s possible.”

Ashton lets out an exhausted laugh, “This is what I mean. Luke, I may remember the happy moments but I remember those three weeks after he left. You were smashed. I can’t see you like that again.” Ashton rests his head in his hands and Luke considers that. He’d forgotten about those weeks that only Ashton and Mikey were privy to.

“I’ll be careful. We’ll both be careful.”

“Good,” Ashton says, removing his hands, “That’s all I want.”

Luke hangs there for another second before walking to his bedroom to change out of his work clothes. He’s emotionally and physically exhausted. He’s going to eat dinner and go straight to bed.

Luke slides on a sweater and hears the front door open. Mikey calls out, “Food!” and Luke can hear the shuffling of feet and conversation. He stays in his room, deciding to make room in his dressers and closet for Calum’s stuff.

When Luke starts opening drawers, he sees clothing he’s not familiar with. He frowns and goes to his closet, ripping open the doors. There’s new clothing inside, but not like Calum pushed all Luke’s clothes to the side and put his in the vacant space. The clothing is all mixed together, like Calum was following some pattern that Luke wasn’t aware of. A few of the new shirts Luke recognizes as his old clothing from college. He grins at an old rugby shirt he used to never take off but hasn’t seen in years. The sleeves are even more worn out than he remembers.

Calum wraps his arms around Luke’s middle from behind. Luke hadn’t seen it coming but falls back into it, “C’mon, dinner.”

“You moved in?” Luke turns to face Calum.

“Yeah, didn’t have anything else to do today,” Calum says and lets go of Luke and steps back, “And my mom wants to see you again, when you feel ready for that.”

“Oh,” Luke frowns, “I should tell my mom what’s happening too.”

Calum laughs, “Probably for the best if I call her tomorrow. Haven’t talked to Liz in ages, be good to hear from her again.”

Luke nods, “So I’m probably going to sit in here tonight-”

Calum backs up, “Do you need space? I can take the couch tonight.”

“No,” Luke shakes his head, “Not from you. I’m just exhausted, so if you’d rather hang out with Ash and Mikey, they’d probably be more fun.”

Calum perks up at that, “Want to do date night?”

“What?”

“Date night,” Calum grins, already halfway out the door, “We do our own thing. It was basically the code word when we planned on having really loud sex.”

Luke laughs, “Ok, let’s do date night.”

“Date night!” Calum calls out into the apartment as he disappears down the hallway, “Old rules apply!”

Luke feels so light as he gets into what has become his side of the bed and props himself up against the headboard. He sets his alarm on his phone while he waits for Calum.

“Here,” Calum comes back in the room with two to-go containers, forks, and two new beers, “Mikey stole your beer.”

“S’cool,” Luke takes the container that Calum hands to him while Calum get settles.

“What happened in the exciting world of private finance management today?” Calum asks around a forkful of pasta.

Luke perks up, “I think one of the bowling alley attendants is stealing money from the registers.”

Calum’s jaw drops, “No way.”

 

******

 

Luke sighs down at the numbers. It’s not going to work.

“Robin,” Robin looks over when Luke says his name, “I’m sorry man.”

Robin nods, disheartened, “I understand.”

Luke stands and reaches out to pat his arm, “I know how much you want to build in the extra toppings bar, but this quarter you don’t have enough wiggle room to do it. Next quarter, if business stays steady, you might be able to swing it.”

“Thanks Luke. What would I do without you? So helpful.” Robin smiles and goes back to sorting out the recipes for new flavors and calculating the ingredient amounts he’ll need. He’s a nice guy, a slight temper but he always apologizes afterwards.

“Well, I’m done with my stuff. Did you need anything else from me?” Luke starts to gather his things together and drop them into his briefcase.

“No, that’s all I had for you. Next week there will be another pile.” Robin smiles up at Luke. Robin points to the door, “Enjoy your weekend. And grab some froyo for you and your roommates on the way out, I’m going to have to throw a lot of it out later anyways.”

“Thanks Robin,” Luke calls, waving behind him, “See you next week.”

Luke exits Robin’s office and heads toward the door out into the self serve area. There are eight types of froyo and bowls near by. Luke nods at Carissa who is working the register. She smiles back.

Luke fills a bowl with cookies and cream froyo for himself and puts it aside, craning his neck to see if the oreo container on the toppings bar is filled. Mikey isn’t going to be home tonight so Luke grabs half chocolate and vanilla for Ashton.

Luke reaches for a bowl for Calum and puts mint froyo in it, thinking he’ll put a bunch of different chocolate pieces in it too, so it will be like mint chocolate chip for Calum. As he starts to swirl the froyo into the cup he realizes what he’s doing and drops the cup and the handle and takes a huge step back from the machine.

“You ok Luke?” Carissa calls over, confused.

“Uh, yeah,” Luke calls back, already reaching down to grab the cup that landed, thankfully, without spilling over, “Just, uh, shocked myself on the machine.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize that could happen,” Carissa sounds suspicious so Luke lets it hang in the air before filling up the rest of Calum’s cup.

Luke and Calum haven’t gotten ice cream together yet. They haven’t talked about their favorite flavors. But Luke knew. He didn’t have to pause and guess. There wasn’t any decision Luke had to make. He swallows around the lump in his throat and starts adding toppings to the dishes and putting plastic lids on for travel. How did he know what to get Calum?

“Have a good weekend Carissa,” Luke calls out as he leaves the small shop. The door closes behind him before she can respond.

It’s early evening when he gets in his car. The sunset is a beautiful rose color, lighting up the sky with soft warmth. The radio DJ switches songs and Beside You comes on, still being played on the radio after five months. Luke’s hands are sweaty on the steering wheel.

Luke’s lost memories are a weight he carries with him everywhere. He constantly second guesses his actions and the words he says. In his memory, he has always been himself, but now he knows that the self he was is shockingly different from the self he remembers. When he pulls in his parking spot, he rests his forehead against the steering wheel. He’s never going to look at mint ice cream the same way.

Luke straightens out, the breaths helping him to focus and grab his things. He stacks the froyo containers on top of each other, a balancing act he’s perfected since Robin first started pushing him out the door with cups of froyo in his hands.

When he opens their door, he hears the TV on in the living room.

“Luke?” Calum calls from that direction.

“Yep,” Luke slides off his shoes and throws his briefcase in their room.

“Too bad. I was hoping it was Mikey,” Calum yells back. Luke grins as he grabs the three containers and three spoons. Luke nods at Ashton as he walks in the room. They’d been hesitant with each other on Wednesday, but the tension has drifted out of their interactions since. Plus, Ashton is always hanging off Calum, happy to have him back in the apartment.

“I guess you don’t want froyo then?” Luke asks. Ashton is sitting on the armchair in the corner so Luke tosses a spoon and his bowl to him.

“Thanks Luke,” Ashton gives him a thumbs up when he looks at what Luke got him.

“What is that?” Calum says, sitting up from where he was lying on the couch.

“Did you leave the couch all day? I’m pretty sure you were in this position when I left,” Luke sits opposite Calum on the couch before handing Calum his froyo and a spoon. Calum’s face looks like a child’s on Christmas morning.

“Thanks babe,” Calum digs into the bowl and Luke’s heart aches with the realization that he was right about the flavor. It’s a heavy feeling in his chest and it must show on his face.

“Everything good Luke?” Ashton asks from the corner, eyebrow quirked.

“Yeah,” Luke responds, grabbing a bite of his froyo to give him time to respond, “I had to tell Robin he couldn’t do more construction, made him kind of sad.”

“Didn’t the place just open?” Calum says.

Luke shrugs, “Two years about.”

“He already wants to add stuff?” Calum asks. Ashton has dropped out of the conversation, turning his attention to the TV.

“Yeah, it’s a pay per ounce place so he wants to extend the counter out more and add heavier toppings. To close the place down for that time though, and the construction, it doesn’t make sense in the books.”

“Too bad,” Calum says. He adjusts so he’s leaning more toward Luke, but not on him.

“Did you do anything today?” Luke nudges Calum’s side.

“Skyped with one of the bands back in LA that I worked with. It was, like, five at night yesterday there when we talked.”

“Seriously?” Ashton asks, spoon hanging out of his mouth.

“Yeah. Sick, right?” Calum responds.

They settle into silence as they watch the movie on the screen. Ashton leaves around seven, mumbling his reason as he heads down the hall. They hear the front door open and shut a few minutes later and then apartment is silent besides the opening sequence of The Incredibles playing on the screen.

“So,” Calum, his head in Luke’s lap for the last half hour, turns to look up at Luke, “what do you want to do for dinner?”

Luke groans. He doesn’t want to get up. He’s still in his clothes from work and it’s been a crazy week. In the past six days, he’s started a relationship that’s probably on the forever track, met a world famous boy band, and had to add numbers for hours every day.

“Can we stay in? I don’t think I can get up,” Luke says, threading some fingers into Calum’s hair.

“Sure. Do you want to order in?”

“Let’s just cook. It can’t be too hard.” Luke says, grinning down as Calum makes a face.

“Fine. Come on, I’m hungry.”

“You ate froyo an hour ago,” Calum gets up as Luke reprimands him.

“I’m turning into you, a bottomless pit,” Calum grabs Luke’s hand and drags him up. They stand toe to toe, Calum wrapping an arm around Luke’s waist. Luke sinks down onto Calum’s body, letting him do all the work.

Calum pulls Luke to the hallway and pushes him towards their room, “Change.”

“You don’t want to help?” Luke calls over his shoulder. He looks back and Calum is standing there, genuinely pondering Luke’s offer. When Luke waggles his eyebrows, Calum cracks up instead and shakes his head, walking into the kitchen. Luke chuckles.

After Luke has thrown on comfier clothes, he saunters to the kitchen. Calum is standing next to the stove, a pot full of water on the burner while he reads instructions on the side of a package. Luke slinks in and wraps his arms around Calum’s waist.

“Pasta good?” Calum tilts his head back towards Luke. Luke nods against Calum’s warm shoulder.

“You ok?” Calum asks, voice low and soft. He puts the box down and covers Luke’s hands on his stomach as Luke press small circles into Calum’s body.

“This is going to be fine, right?” Luke says into the crook of Calum’s neck, “Us being together, we’re going to be ok, right?”

“Yeah,” Calum breathes, bumping his nose against Luke’s forehead.

“Why are you even here?” Luke can’t catch the words before the escape, “Why are you putting up with me when I can’t remember?”

Calum stills Luke’s hands on his stomach. The air in the kitchen feels taut, catching them in their places and making it impossible for Luke to leave his perch on Calum’s back.

“Because you loved me,” Calum shatters the tension, “Five years ago, you started smiling at me and that, like, changed me. Someone believing in you makes you better, and you made me better. And you might not remember it, but I do.” Calum’s hand pets Luke’s arms in a steady calming pattern, “You still smile at me and you still make me better.”

“So it’s selfish,” Luke grins around the words, prodding at Calum.

“I’d like to think you get something out of it,” Calum bites Luke’s jaw.

“I do,” Luke whispers into Calum’s collar bone. Calum turns enough to kiss Luke and Luke feels it everywhere.

******

 

Luke and Mikey are cuddled up on the couch watching a movie because they’re bored and it’s on. Luke’s seen it before so he texts Calum during most of it. Calum’s at work but it’s the weekend. Luke doesn’t like that Calum’s hours are weird since it’s dependent on when the bands he writes with can meet. It’s one week after they met in the supermarket and Luke’s sappy about anniversaries.

Mikey laughs at the screen. It’s the part in the movie where the protagonist makes a fool of himself while trying to hit on the girl he’ll eventually end up with.

“That’s Calum’s favorite line in this movie,” Luke comments after the character says it.

Mikey turns to Luke, “Did you guys have a movie night and not invite me? Dicks.”

Luke smiles, “Nah, we saw it in theaters. Date night.”

Luke feels the air shift in the room as Mikey grabs his forearm, “Luke.”

“Hmm?” Luke says, distracted.

“This movie hasn’t been in theaters for years,” Mikey’s eyes are wide. Luke doesn’t know what he means.

“Yeah, it was back before I even moved in. We hadn’t gone out and done something in a while-” Luke cuts himself off and slaps a hand across his mouth. Mikey’s watching him with wide questioning eyes, hand still gripping his forearm.

Luke grabs onto Mikey’s thigh and uncovers his mouth, finishing off telling the story, the memory, in a hushed tone, “Calum bought me popcorn and M&Ms, tried to make it a proper date and everything.” Luke pauses, “Oh my god.”

Mikey drags Luke into a fierce hug, “God. I thought it was never going to happen.”

“Same,” Luke mumbles.

“Is it all of them?” Mikey says. Luke sorts through his head, look for signs of Calum in the past besides this one memory. They’re all back. Their first kiss, one time Mikey walked in on them in their dorm room, Calum asking Luke to move in, the time they were dead set on getting a dog and wouldn’t speak to Ashton for three days because he vetoed it.

Luke needs to speak to Calum right the fuck now. He untangles himself from Mikey’s limbs and dials Calum’s number with shaky fingers.

Calum picks up on the second ring, “What’s up ba-”

“I was afraid you’d break up with me,” Luke says into the phone, the words rushed and full of desperation, “I thought we’d get to LA and you’d see how you fit in with all the cool glamorous people and I’d be the boring college boyfriend who was holding you down,” Luke swallows, “I thought it’d be better to end it on my terms, here, than to move to a different country with you just for you to realize I was nothing compared to what you could have.”

“Luke,” Calum’s voice is heavy over the phone.

“But you came back and I don’t…” Luke’s voice catches and he’s strangely close to tears, “I don’t get it. Why did you come back?”

“Fuck, Luke, where are you? Are you home? I’m coming-  Are you home? I’m leaving right now.”

Luke wipes his eyes, pretending the tears were never there, “Yeah, I’m home.”

“I’ll be there soon, ok?” Calum hangs up the phone and Luke drops it to the ground. Fuck. Calum came back.

“Is that really why you didn’t go?” Mikey’s eyebrows are furrowed. Luke had forgotten he was there.

Luke nods his head. Mikey leans forward to hug him, arms around Luke’s shoulders as Luke rests his head in his hands. He wants to laugh because the last week’s events are hilarious in hindsight. The sheer speed in which he completely fell for Calum all over again is crazy. Luke smiles into his palms. Calum came back. Calum Hood left LA and hundreds of opportunities to come back. For Luke.

As Calum’s arrival approaches Mikey leaves the apartment, sure he doesn’t want to be around when Calum gets home. Luke waits. He sits on the back of the couch, facing the doorway that leads to the entryway. He watches the minutes tick by on his phone.

The couch used to belong to Calum’s mom. Luke and Calum borrowed their friend’s truck the week after Calum moved into the apartment and drove over to pick it up. They blasted music from their iPods through the speakers and talked about how nice it would be to have one of them living out of the dorms, no more having to check with roommates when they wanted to spend time together. Calum’s mom had given them a bag of old blankets and curtains to hang around the apartment to make it look more lived in. They’d had the hardest time getting the couch up the stairwell to the apartment.

Luke’s fingertips grip the worn fabric, waiting for Calum to get home. As the seconds tick by and Luke feels antsy, he pulls out his phone and goes to his music, playing his song. Listening to it now, knowing the years they spent together and those few weeks before Calum left that they spent bickering, the song breaks Luke’s heart. It’s all his fault. The pain in the words resonates in Luke, they always have. Now, though...Luke wouldn’t have been able to handle it if this song came out and he’d known Calum had written it. Luke would’ve been on a plane the next morning. But now that Calum is here, is back, the song sends chills down Luke’s spine. After a year, Calum wanted Luke and wrote a song about it. After eighteen months, Calum wanted Luke, even a Luke that couldn’t remember him. Luke hums along as the chorus builds and his body shakes with the need to hold Calum.

The front door opens. “Luke?”

“Living room.”

Luke hears Calum kick off his shoes and walk quickly down the hallway. When he turns the corner into the living room, Calum stops. Calum keeps himself back, arms hanging on the door frame, waiting for Luke. Luke looks at him a moment before quirking a smile.

Calum lets out an exhausted laugh, falling into the room and collapsing onto Luke, “You bastard.”

“Shut up,” Luke says, standing to grab onto Calum and bury his face into Calum’s shoulder. They kissed goodbye this morning, but for Luke’s it’s been a year and a half since he’s seen Calum, “Seriously, fuck you Calum.”

Calum laughs again. A hand tightens in Luke’s hair, “You got it all back?”

Luke pulls back to look at Calum. He can barely see Calum’s eyes, he’s smiling so wide, “I think. Most of it at least.”

“I missed you,” Calum’s says, words heavy in between them, “Missed you so much.”

Luke grabs onto Calum’s wrists where Calum’s hands frame his face, “I’ve been right here.”

Calum’s thumbs stroke along Luke’s jaw, “Don’t get me wrong, amnesia you was great, you blushed all the time. But it wasn’t the same. It was us, it just wasn’t us.”

“I know,” Luke whispers. He leans in so his head rests against Calum’s shoulder and Calum’s arms can wrap around his upper body, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok now, you remembered. I knew you would,” Calum says into Luke’s hair.

“No, for not going with you to LA. It was stupid. I’m sorry Cal.”

Calum pauses, tightening his arms around Luke. Luke digs his fingers into Calum’s waist, to steady himself.

“You’re right, it was stupid,” Calum says. Luke lets out a small whine, “What were you thinking Luke? And why didn’t you tell me that was going through your head?”

Luke turns his head so he can press his nose against Calum’s neck, “I don’t know. You were always so cool and I’m a boring accountant.”

“Yeah, but you’re my boring accountant.” Calum pulls Luke’s face out of his neck to meet his eyes, “That wasn’t going to change if we were in a different city.” Calum is open and vulnerable, features soft and colored by hurt, “We could have had so much fun exploring but you made me do it by myself.”

Luke pulls Calum in by the shirt collar and kisses him hard. This time he knows exactly how to kiss Calum from years of experience.

After a few harsher kisses and deep breath, Luke promises, “I’ll make it up to you.” He bites along Calum’s jawline to his ear, whispering in the curves, “I’m so sorry.”

With that, Calum tugs Luke after him, heading towards their room. There are bubbles inside Luke’s gut and a tingle over his skin, the anticipation mounting in his bloodstream.

Right before they reach their room with their bed and clothes and all the other mixed up items that belong to both of them equally, Luke slams Calum back against the door. Calum immediately reaches for Luke’s hips and Luke smothers him with the wide frame of his body.

“I can’t,” Luke starts before Calum pulls him into a kiss. Luke pulls back, resting his forehead against Calum’s temple, “I can’t believe you came back. And I can’t believe you put up with me for a month even though I couldn’t remember you. And I-” Luke swallows hard, “God, I love you so much Calum.”

“Didn’t have much choice, babe. You ruined me for all other boring accountants,” Calum smirks against Luke’s cheek.

“And you only date boring accountants?”

“Mhm,” Calum wraps an arm around Luke’s waist, forcing their bodies close, “Got a thing for accountants with nice legs.”

Luke laughs while Calum presses kisses to Luke’s neck, “Love you too Lukey.”

Luke raises his arms to circle around Calum’s shoulders and Calum pulls harder at Luke’s waist. They stand against the door embracing, and Luke has never needed anything as badly as Calum’s reassurance and arms around him. He breathes Calum in.

Luke gets the door open and before Calum’s even through the door, his shirt is off and Luke’s reaching for him. They laugh as they fall down against their bed, their sheets, in their room.

 

*****

“Babe,” Calum’s lips are at Luke’s ear, “Wake up.”

“Who are you?” Luke says with a grin. He turns to be chest to chest with Calum.

“S’not funny,” Calum says, resting his head on Luke’s shoulder.

“Why are you awake?” Luke asks. His phone reads eight in the morning on a Sunday. Calum needs to go back to sleep.

“Your stupid alarm wakes me up every day and now I can’t sleep in.”

“So what, waking me up early when I could sleep in is my punishment?” Luke grins down.

“Yep.”

“Fine,” Luke flips them so he’s over Calum and can look down at him. Calum flops back onto the mattress, arms spread. He’s looked giddy every second since getting home yesterday. Luke can’t stop touching him, now that he knows the time it took up to build this easy bond between them. Calum’s shining face is sitting right there, daring Luke. Luke needs to press kisses along the lines of his jaw and the tip of his nose, it’d be a crime not to.

“Love you,” Luke says before leaning in to bruise Calum’s lips. Calum threads his hands into Luke’s hair.

Calum pulls away, “Get off, we’ve got to get to the diner.”

“Or,” Luke tries, “we can stay in bed for the rest of the day.”

Calum rolls his eyes, “It’s Sunday. We go to the diner on Sunday.”

“I remember,” Luke mocks. He climbs out of bed and starts grabbing clothes for them from the closet, “It’s supposed to be warm today, right?”

“Same as yesterday with a few more clouds,” Calum scratches his stomach.

“You really missed out on a successful career as a meteorologist,” Luke says, tossing some clothes to Calum and starting to dress himself.

“You really missed out on shutting up,” Calum remarks, sitting up. Luke laughs and pats at Calum’s cheek.

They finish getting dressed, grab their wallets and phones, and head out. Luke grabs his keys from the counter, leading the way out to the car. He takes the well memorized roads to the diner.

“We never talked last night,” Calum says when they’re halfway there. He lowers his sunglasses to look over at Luke as Luke turns left.

“Sorry, too busy getting fucked,” Luke says with a smirk at Calum. Calum wears a proud grin.

“You’re welcome,” he shifts in his seat to watch Luke, “but we should talk.”

“Yeah,” Luke says wistfully. They have a lot to talk about, “What first?”

“I’m still upset you didn’t come to LA with me,” Calum spits out, “especially with such an awful reason.”

Luke rests his head on his fist as he waits for the light to turn green. He doesn’t have any excuses, only explanations that Calum won’t like.

“I didn’t want to hold you back,” Luke shrugs, “I don’t know what to tell you Cal. It seems stupid now because you came back, but then it didn’t feel stupid. It felt like the safest bet.”

“Safest bet?” Calum furrows his eyebrows, “So you’re basically saying I wasn’t worth taking a risk for?”

“Calum,” Luke says sternly as the light changes, “Stop. I can’t fight with you today. I won’t,” Luke sighs, “I’m not trying to defend what happened. It’s obvious that I didn’t like my own decisions. I literally erased you from my memory just to function without thinking about you. Give me a break.”

The memories of the three weeks after Calum left are hard to relive. They are vibrant with failure and grieving. The self-hatred and blame that Luke felt in those weeks is immense. He’s punished himself enough for the mistakes he’s made.

Calum sits quietly next to Luke, finger pressed against his lip. He watches the cars pass out the window as he contemplates Luke’s words.

“Don’t do it again,” Calum moves his hand from his mouth and speaks to the floor, “You can’t make decisions that change everything without talking to me about it first. Not again Luke.” Calum shakes his head a few times.

Luke reaches over to grab Calum’s hand in his, pulling it into his lap and squeezing, “I promise. Promise I won’t.”

They sit for a minute as Luke takes the turn onto the diner’s street. Calum grips Luke’s hand tightly, as if he’s afraid to let go or Luke might forget him again.

“It’s a really good song Calum,” Luke breathes out, “Even when I didn’t know it was about me, it saved me. Like, I knew it was my song,” Luke swallows as he pulls in and parks the car, “It’s so good and I’m so sorry.”

Calum leans over to kiss Luke rough. Luke meets him halfway, their hands still clasped on Luke’s thigh. It feels like Calum is accepting his apology and saying thank you at the same time.

They pull themselves apart and head into the diner. Luke had first stumbled across the Flamingo when he was hungover and need greasy food. He’d come by himself and grab the food to go, making small talk with the two owners, the only people ever working. He brought Calum there the morning after they met. They’d woken up in Luke’s bed and Mikey had yelled at them to get out. With Calum there, conversation with Val and Pop had come easier. Ever since, the diner has been their go to spot and Luke’s not sure how he survived without their homefries for a year and a half.

The bell rings when they open the door. Val is at the counter, filling salt and pepper shakers. She looks up when they file in, “Good morning boys.”

“Morning Val,” Calum says. Luke walks over to the counter and sits in front of her, head resting on his wrists as he smiles at her. Calum stands behind him, arm thrown over his shoulder and a smirk on his face.

Val looks at them before shifting her focus down to Luke. She quirks an eyebrow before her face starts to crack and a smile forms.

“You little shits,” she turns to the window to the kitchen, “Pop! Our boy’s back!” She leans over the counter and pecks Luke’s cheek, “Welcome back love.”

“Thanks Val,” Luke grins. They hear a loud whoop from the kitchen and the doors smash open as Pop comes out. Luke is off the stool and running into Pop’s outstretched arms immediately.

“My boy!” Pop says, gripping hard around Luke’s shoulders, “Glad you’re here! Wonderful news!”

“Thanks Pop, good to see you too,” Luke pulls back and grins.

“Hey, that’s sir to you!” Pop points and laughs and all of them join in. Luke rubs a hand over his face.

“You can’t  make fun of me for that. My brain wasn’t working properly!” Luke argues. Calum shakes his head next to him, they both know this will be a joke he won’t be able to escape.

“Go sit down, I’ll bring your food over,” Val shoos them to their booth and Pop heads back into the kitchen.

Calum and Luke slide into their booth and Luke props his legs up on Calum’s seat. Luke can’t figure out the look on Calum’s face. The giddiness is there along with a hint of hope and Luke can definitely feel some desire along with it. But it feels like Luke is missing something.

“What?” Calum says.

“Stop looking at me,” Luke cowers, pretending to hide. Calum grins that much wider. He reaches out a hand to grab Luke’s forearm and pull him forward across the table.

Luke doesn’t have the right words for this moment and neither does Calum apparently. Luke wraps an arm around Calum’s elbow, linking their arms together. It holds enough meaning for this moment.

Val brings their food and pats Luke on the head before leaving them to their odd, settled silence. They pull apart and Calum nabs some of Luke’s potatoes. Luke tries to pour salt in Calum’s coffee but is pushed away with a laugh.

“Hey,” Luke finally says when he’s halfway through his omelette, “Thanks. For like, waiting for me and being patient,” He looks up at Calum, face open and caring, “Don’t know how you did it but, just, thank you for doing it Calum.”

Calum butts his fist against Luke’s where it lays on the table, “You’re worth it.”

****  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So? Whether you liked it or you hated it, you can give me feedback here or on tumblr. 
> 
> Hope you have a wonderful new year! 
> 
> emmybazy.tumblr.com


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